Be rude on your own.

Among the synonyms of "chivalry" are gallantry, gentlemanliness, courtesy, courteousness, politeness, graciousness, mannerliness, and good manners. There's only one antonym: rudeness. Chivalry has come in for flak on Twitter. I have seen some women object strongly and rudely to having a door opened for them by a man, arguing unconvincingly that they are capable of opening their own doors without the assistance of the men.

Let as allow for one moment that chivalry is dead and that we are just trying to muscle our way to the top. There are, however, some of us who, even in the rush to get to the top, do not have to use our elbows or raise our voices. Some of us still wait patiently for the lifts to empty before entering; we still allow others to go first if it seems as if they are in a hurry. For some of us it matters not what your gender is, we will still hold open the door for you and allow you to go first. If it happens to be that you are a woman, please don't take it as a statement of your relative strengths or weaknesses, but only that some of us are still courteous and very rarely put ourselves first.

But the rude reactions - especially to the door-opening - has caught me off-guard. Many men accept that in the modern world they are the equals of women and women are the equals of men. The rude reaction to door-opening is uncalled for. If a women chose to open the door for me and allow me to go first, I would not take it as an affront to my masculinity. I would assume, correctly I hope, that it was a  reflection of the courtesy being extended to me by that woman.

I do not know if Kenya should be sucked into the culture wars that so animate the West; we have somehow managed to make our own peculiar rules as we have developed over the decades. Some changes have been incremental; others have happened quick like lightning. Some have been heavily contested; others have come to pass without a murmur. In the Information Age more changes are taking place more quickly now and how we deal with the changes reflects what we consider important. For some, the appearance of independence can be sacrificed at the altar of civility, and it seems that they would rather be rude than be treated with civility if that civility threatens their perceived independence.

What is astounding to these people is that they would rather vent their frustrations with these overt acts of civility online rather than confront those who were civil to them in person. Some attempt to justify their rudeness with a statement affirming their agency and independence, but it wears thin when the justification is not directed at the persons who were courteous to them but the online hordes that cannot identify with the event in question - because they were not there.

Those who are truly courteous have no choice but to act courteously at all times. Until they don't. There are events that require a firm rebuff, which may or may not be rude. But rudeness should not be your first instinct when someone treats you with courtesy or acts courteously. If you are used to being rude, it is best to keep your rudeness to yourself. And off the 'net.