An absolute failure.

If someone, never mind who, were to generously slather the governor's testicles with honey and stick them in a safari-ant hill, whether or not they were attached to him, I would not feel bad. I would probably dance a jig. That is, in Nairobi's peculiar argot, the much he has annoyed me. If I am alone in my rage, then so be it. But I have had it with his promises and his smug look.

It's been a month and he has done fuck all to sort out the surface drains in my city. He has done fuck all to sort out the muddy pavements that have become the haven of ill-mannered, loutish boda boda operators. He has done jack shit to swiftly remove the mounds of garbage that contribute a lot to the blocked drains and sewers that have made my life a wet mess. To say that I have nothing but an unremitting hostility towards his government is to be too mild.

It is two years since he made all those promises about how he would govern. In the two years all I can remember is his frequent photo opportunities at Pumwani Maternity Hospital and the day he slapped Nairobi's Woman Representative. Beyond that he remains renown for the sloth with which he has moved to sort out basic municipal facilities. Nairobi is a massive garbage dump, that floods every time there is a drizzle, that is held hostage to a cabal consisting of matatu operators, boda boda riders and jacked up motorists who seem permanently high on a mixture of rage, weed and chang'aa. His ridiculously stupid speed cameras and traffic lights have done little to resolve the mess that is Nairobi traffic and the engagement of Creative Consolidated has done nothing to make Nairobi into a semblance of municipal sanitation. 

Quite frankly, I don't know why he even bothers any more. Why doesn't he admit that he is a failure and quit? Why is he holding on with such fierce determination? It's not like he is going to restore our faith in him. He has squandered what little good will he had among us by pursuing, irrationally, policies that have made our lives a lot harder than they had to be. How is it that even the much-reviled Dick Wathika, not known for his cerebral qualities, managed to run a city government that was not overwhelmed by filth and matatus?

This governor is an embarassment. He has brought nothing but shame to this fine city. He is an absolute failure. If he thinks that we are going to promote him upwards, he is best advised to look at the garbage mounds outside Pumwani Maternity Hospital and re-think his political ambitions. Given a chance, I doubt very much that he would even qualify to run the run-down dog pound near Muthaiga Police Station. I bet he doesn't even know it exists.