Securocrats, sugar and terrorists.

This thing with the security of the President and Commander-in-Chief is getting out of hand. We are all quietly laughing to ourselves, about the List of Eighty-four that was leaked to the press and compelled the President, due the terrible optics, to miss the swearing in of Muhamadu Buhari as Nigeria's President today. What Kenyans must wonder is that, after the abortive flight to the UAE last month and the mysterious theft-and-return of the BMW, who is in charge of presidential security and what, exactly, are they doing.

President Kenyatta seems like and easygoing man, personable and prone to moments of exuberance that encourage him breaking free of what must be a stifling security bubble to mingle with the people he hopes voted for him. But this attitude, surely, cannot be transferred to his bodyguard. That praetorian guard must be on the alert at all times, even when he is out of the country or, simply, out of sight. It is why it is quite baffling that other security bubble around the president does not seem to take into account the security of his papers and similar sensitive and confidential documents. Leakages, and stupid statements, seem to indicate that his bodyguard is made up of the less-intelligent, at best or, at worst, the malign.

Any opposition to the president's agenda is purely political, not personal, and because he is our president, we must pray that his safety is at the top of the agenda even of those who oppose him politically. We are not Nigeria, Colombia or Afghanistan, that have a penchant for assassinating their heads of state. We should all be concerned that for the billions we appropriate for the safety of the president, there seem to be truck-sized gaps in his security. How can those arranging his itinerary pad the president's entourage the way they did with the ridiculous list of eighty four? If an assassin could get to the person leaking the list, that same assassin could get into the circle and work his way too the president undetected.

Sometimes you get the feeling that the men charged with the security of Kenya and the safety of the people don't have their hearts in their jobs. When one remembers Gen Hussein Ali shaking up the Kenya Police or Gen Daudi Tonje and the Tonje Rules on the retirement of his senior officers, you had a sense that they knew what they were doing and that, vitally, their officers accepted what the leadership was up to. Under Gen Karangi, the Kenya Defence Forces became synonymous with charcoal-sales to Yemen and shopping bags during terrorist sieges. Under Kimaiyo the National Police became a punchline; his successor is treading the same gaffe-stricken road. But despite all this, you would expect that the Defence Forces and the National Police would keep their feet from their mouths when it came to the Commander-in-Chief.

It seems that our graft-riven, gaffe-ridden securocracy can't do even one thing twice. And whispered assurances about the number of plots that have been foiled without our knowledge will no longer do; we are not the gullible ones impressed by a little insider knowledge. If public snafus in the safety and security of the president cannot be prevented, we are no longer confident that are keeping us safe and our country secure because we are sure that they are meddling in the importation of sugar and complicit in the smuggling of terrorists.