Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Almost bliss.

It's the silences. Comfortable ones reaffirm the relationship as healthy and stable. Passive-aggression is symbolised by the silence that shouldn't be, the one where you know they should do something about it and you're waiting for them to do it while they fiddle with their smartphones, watches, whatever. 

Angry ones are where there is this odd buzzing in the air that you don't hear but sense. These are the silences where you wish they would so that you could. Awkward ones are the ones you dread the most because you suddenly know that it is over, that you are done, that they are done. They are the silences of the silent goodbye.

The silences these days are comfortable. Even when there is much to be said, the pressure to simply talk is no longer there. There is time, even if that feeling might be illusory or, worse, delusional, there is time. Is that awkward? Probably. But it is what it is and that is enough, for now. The conversations that we will have, and the fights that those conversations will bring are all down the road of time and the comfortable silences in-between.

I like silences. Then I like the non-silences, you know, the ones where I speak and you say nothing but I know or think I know what you would say if you said it at all? Like when it is that scene in the movie, the one that always affects you, and I interrupt the movie-theatre silence with one of my canny, but inane, observations and you sigh the way you sigh when you think, What an idiot! and I smile anyway because, shit! you knew I was going to say it anyway. I like those ones. They are the memory of the fun times and the promise of the future joys. They are ore than comfortable. They are almost the definition of bliss.

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