When leaders behave badly ...

We have looked with horror at the scenes of school-children butchering each other on TV in the last few months. The common refrain has been that the mock KCSE exams are too hard. I think it goes deeper than that. Our political leaders are behaving in the worst possible way - inciting others to commit terrible atrocities. It is only natural that our children pick up on these signals and apply them to their particular situations. However, we shouldn't pretend that we are blameless. For every child murdered in school, we are to blame for allowing ourselves to become the tools of an uncaring, greedy, grasping political class that has shown no moral courage or vision. It is shameful to watch the likes of Kalonzo Musyoka preaching peace and reconciliation when our children have been taught nothing else by his colleagues other than to kill and maim and destroy.

Which leads me to another totally unrelated matter: the indictment of Omar el-Bashir. Sudan is undergoing changes that are anything but civilised - at least not the western notion of civilisation. President Bashir is no doubt a despot. But so what? Why should he be indicted by a tribunal to which his country is not a party to? The ICC chief prosecutor, no doubt an intelligent and passionate man, is wrong to wish to circumvent the international laws that his people have established to govern relations between and among nation states. It is not even an African problem - what would the AU, for example, do? Impose sanctions? Send in peace-keepers? Invade? All these are the lunatic schemes of the west to maintain dominance over an emerging world rich in natural and mineral resources. They are rightfully afraid that their previous bad behaviour is no longer guaranteeing them a share in these resources. They are regretting imposing the SAPs and other such behaviour-altering mechanisms upon us. They simply do not understand that the days of the pith-helmeted white man lording it over the south are going out of fashion. We are sovereign nations, and if we agree to allow one of our own to murder his own people, why should they complain. After all, do you really see Mr. Ocampo bringing indictments against George W. Bush or Tony Blair or Vladimir Putin? those three between them have killed more people than the fictitious "300,000" quoted by the world's media. Tell me I'm wrong!!!

IS THIS THE BEGINNING OF THE END?

Now that Martha Karua has decided to throw her hat into the ring, and Uhuru Kenyatta is under fire over his decisions as Local Government Minister, and Otieno Kajwang's over his as Immigration Minister, and Orengo in his war with Kimunya over the Grand Regency, is Kibaki's coalition falling apart? Even mouths for hire like Mungatana are calling the decision to set up the PNU a bad one. When rats desert a ship, you know things are really dire. However, we are mindful of the fact that Kibaki has not survived this long by falling asleep at the steering wheel. He has constantly outsmarted the opposition; to underestimate him now would be a grave error, even for smart girls like Martha. She needs to follow Mutahi Ngunyi's advice and bring the war to Kibaki and the Old Guard otherwise she will end up like all the other no-hoppers who have underestimated him.

The love fest between Kibaki and Raila will not last. I have said previously that January 2009 is the deadline; if they survive beyond then, their's will be like one of those marriages where they don't want to get a divorce because they then both lose. Kibaki and Raila do not trust each other; hence the fact that their lieutenants' constant bickering and oneupmanship. It doesn't help that motormouths have been given a free rein to let rip. The upshot is that ordinary Kenyans are benefiting, albeit in unexpected ways. It was not possible for entrepreneurial Kenyans to set up business that did not run afoul of the various Moi rules of yore. Now, it is not likely that your business will get poached without a fight. For that alone, I would re-elect Kibaki a thousand times over.

Of heroes and Cannibals

We all know that taxation is one of the two things one can never avoid in life, the other being death. The Americans after all fought a war with England over the matter of taxation without representation. So why is it that Kenyans are incapable of mounting a strong front against the 10th Parliament? Perhaps the reason is that we really don't care. There was an image on the TV last week during the by-election in Emuhaya where voters said they would not vote unless they were paid to do so. Have we come to the stage of 'election allowances' for voters? If so, we cannot blame the MPs for saying "no to taxation" of their allowances. After all, if he is going to defend his seat in the next general election at a cost of 10 million shillings, why should he not start saving for the fight right now? How can he save if the government is swallowing a third of his 600,000? That is why the fattest cats among the fat cats are being watched with animosity by their colleagues. The likes of Johnstone Muthama, Cyrus Jirongo, William Ruto and Raila Odinga are millionaires and billionaires in their own right and have no need for the paltry sh. 850,000-a-month they earn. However, losers like Mungatana and his brethren in the PNU have no wealth to speak of. How can the 'poverty-stricken' members of the House survive if their richer brethren keep cutting their legs from under them? Those MPs calling for sacrifice have the right idea but no backbone; else, Kenya would not have been saddled with a cabinet of 40-odd hyenas, some of whom have no business being in government. And Raila begging for money from the Americans to run his office just shows how myopic our 'leaders' are. They should all take a leaf from John Harun Mwau's play book and put their money where their mouths are - he has a vision for Ukambani that if realized, will turn the region into an intellectual and financial powerhouse. His motto, "Think and grow rich", is the only strategy that can work in an area where agri-business is in the doldrums and assorted malaises affect the spirit of the people. He should be regarded as the hero of the Akamba people, not slave-drivers like Kalonzo and his band of ODM-K misfits.

Is 12 months too optimistic for the Grand Coalition?

Surveying the political landscape today, one would be mistaken for thinking that it was November 2007. The ODM-PNU battle of the titans looks like it is still going on, never mind the promises of working together and the recent mollifying speeches of the flag-bearers. It's too bad that this is Kibaki's last term. Lame ducks have never been able to exert authority or bring their wayward charges to heel. With Kibaki's customary laissez faire approach to ruling, his most ardent lieutenants have taken the opportunity to roil the waters and mischief-make in the hope that one of them becomes the flag-bearer in the next general elections. I think that for us to expect the coalition to last beyond January 2009 is wildly optimistic. Martha Karua and George Saitoti have taken such hardline stances towards the amnesty agenda of the ODM team that I am sure this will be a big bone of contention in the next few weeks if not till the coalition falls apart, as it inevitably must.

Commentators have argued that those accused of arson and murder cannot simply be let free. I agree with them. However, it is not fair that a majority of the young men and women behind bars are overwhelmingly the supporters of the ODM. It would have not raised such a stink if the same proportion of the PNU lot were enjoying the hospitality of the state. But this is not so. Karua and Saitoti are being less than frank when they claim that the justice, law and order machinery of the state was employed fairly and without bias. It is because of this that the ODM would like to see its footsoldiers let free. I wonder if Raila's offer of negotitiation with the Mungiki was targetted at softening Karua's and Saitoti's positions in the hope that he would broker an agreement that the Mungiki would not be slaughtered by the police and the ODM murderers would be let free? If this is so, Raila's strategy is falling apart.

I therefore, cannot see this government lasting beyond january 2009 and general elections may be called sooner than we hoped. This time round, matters will end much worse. The so-called Agenda No. 4 of the Medfiation Process is not being discussed let alone being implemented. If we do not get a new constitution by the end of the year and if no changes are made to the election process and law, violence is all but guaranteed during the next general election. This time round, whether the politicins like it or not, to quell it will require more than promises and lies. I don't think that the calm we have enjoyed in the last two months can be described as peace. This is the quiet before the tornado blows away your whole life. Watch and be very very afraid.

Power-sharing? What has the ODM been drinking?

Mutahi Ngunyi may have hit the hammer on the head, and Uhuru 'UK' Kenyatta only confirmed it: there are no hard-liners around the president. The only hardliner in that camp is the president himself. If he wanted a deal done, Martha and the other so-called hardliners would have no say in the matter. it seems that the Old Man and the ODM flag-bearer have a personal chemistry that can only be politely descibed as less that friendly.

In this whole debate, the fate of Kenyan refugees has yet to be addressed in detail. I am sure that Dr. Shabaan is doing her best to sort out matters to deal with humanitarian relief, but the political class has done nothing to begin the process of reconciliation. It also seems that Mr. Odinga's writ does not run large in Kibera anymore. Yesterday's riots are either a sign that he is no longer being heard or that he has asked his constiotuents to return to the streets for more 'mass action'.

It has always been naive to imagine that President Kibaki would share executive power with anyone. Where in Africa, indeed the world, have you seen a head of government share executive power? Even in the 'developed' democracies, there is only one person who wields executive power. Prof. Kivutha Kibwana is right when he points out that the constitution of Kenya and the National Accord do not envisage a splitting of the executive power between the President and the Prime Minister. However, he is wrong in denying the perceived importance and relative power of the different ministries. After all, do you really see one of these men agreeing to become the minister for gender, youth and cultural affairs when he could be named the minster for finance? Didn't think so. This has nothing to do with the letter of the law but with the political perception created and the practicalities of the situation. it is a bare fact that some ministries control the lion's share of the national resources while others receive bread-crumbs.

It is also a fact that the last truly executive president was Mr. Moi. He wielded power with authority and thre was none to challenge him. Even his political rehabilitation in the run up to the General Elections is a testament to the fact the he still commanded authority and respect from his tormentors and friend alike. Mr. Kibaki would be naive to imagine that the political class and the Kenyan people would allow him to rule rather than govern. Sadly for him, he is neither feared nor respected by the Opposition.

Some wags are suggesting that the best possible solution to the problem of power sharing would be to create 222 new ministries and make every MP a Minister. This, it is argued, would drive home the point that the ministerial flag is not important in the grand scheme of things. Thus, what Kenya needs today is not 40 or even 20 ministries, but a political class that has the interests of the Kenyan at heart. Unfortunately, that is not a class that exists today. For instance, Mr. Johnstone Muthama has already been preveiled upon by his colleagues to shelve his calls for a reduction in the salaries and allowances of MPs. Who wants to wager that the honourable member for Kangundo never mentions the matter ever again?

What sayeth the people

Let's get this right first time round - the Kenyan people are not important or relevant in the grand game being played out between Kibaki's PNU and Raila's ODM. We are merely bit players and our views, such as they are, are irrelevant and inconsequential. Else, how do you explain the fact that apart from their vacuous claims of sympathy and concern for the huddled masses, they are yet to make a dramatic visit to any of the camps where we have been compelled to stay simply because the powers that be have deployed half the security forces to keep apart the riotous nairobi youth in the pay of the politicians sleeping in Parliament?

It is time for the general population to rise up in one voice and declare that the hour of change is upon us and that we will be damned forever if we allowed that change to be managed by a class that has proven time and again that its interests are above those of the people it serves.

The inflation rate is slowly inching up towards 20% and basic commodities are beginning to slip away from the grasp of the Kenyan family and our polititions, on an obscene sh. 850,000 a month, are yet to speak on the need for a fiscal austerity measure for their class to address the plight of the Kenyan. How could they? After all, those Range Rovers and Toyota Land Cruisers will not fuel themselves in any fiscal austerity programme, will they? Why would the likes of Kalonzo Musyoka care for the Kenyan when he goes to sleep every night in a sh. 100,000,000 mansion built at the tax-payers' cost? He would not. he got what he always wanted and he'll be damned if he is going to sacrifice for any of 'his' people.

So what say you, the huddled masses? Are you going to do the Kenyan thing and bury your head in the sand and say "it isn't my cause'? Like Bob Marley sang, Get up, stand up and fight for your rights. Don't give up the fight.

A luta continua!

Pet Peeves

Enough with the politics. I think it is time we sorted out some of the more fundamental problems with the world in Kenya today - women who have let themselves go. And boy, am I in a bad mood. Nairobi is a dangerous gauntlet to walk - the number of badly dressed, overweight birds on the street will make you weep in despair. I have no problem with women dessing as if they came from the same cookie cutter; I draw the line, however, when the style they are all adopting is patently unsuitable for a greater number of these fashionistas.

When it comes to cellulose and flab, the less that is seen the better it is. What is so wrong in hiding all your nasty bits until you have hoodwinked the poor fool into bed? At that time, he is so greatful for having you in his bed, he doesn't care that you run a close second to a rhino in girth and skin texture. It should be made a cardinal rule that when a woman starts to resemble the Michelin Man, all figure-hugging items of clothing in her closet should be incinerated.

Men, today more than at any other time in history, are allegedly in short supply - especially the marrying-material, take-home-to-mama kind. But, with so much flab being flashed about so crudely, I would argue that it is not marriageable men who are in short supply, but women. An old African saying holds that there are no ugly women, only lazy ones. This is so very true when you watch all these otherwise personable babes dressing and behaving as if they are God's gift simply by being alive. Men should start drawing a very firm line when it comes to hair in unwanted places, spare wheels on anything but cars, trouser cuffs that have accumulated half the filth in Nairobi, cracked heels, et al.

Personal grooming only becomes a dark art when one behaves like a pig searching for truffles. The level of sartorial inelegance being displayed by women straight out of campus makes me wish that they did away with feminine university education altogether - it has failed to instil any sense of style in these poor dears. Worse, it is now spilling over onto our TV screens. Watching the evening news when presented by some of the over made-up women in suits a size too small spotting beer-guts to rival that of the famed Oloi Tip Tip, is a study in willpower. With the exception of some of the more established names like Kate Kasavuli and Beatrice Marshall and, my personal fave, Julie Gichuru, the rest are slowly scraping the bottom of the barrel when it come to what not to wear on TV. There was this woman who was interviewing the US ambassador in jeans and a rumpled blouse. Professional dressing is definitely not in their lexicon.

I despair for Kenya. The politics sucks and the eye-candy ain't sweet. Time for reform in more than one area, ama?

I didn't see that one Coming...honest!

When Baba Jimmy appointed Kalonzo as his number 2, it came as a bolt from the blue. Kalonzo had all along said that he was never going to side those who had cheated him out of the presidency. Apparently, he only meant Raila. As the rumours fly, the most common refrain is that Kalonzo has betrayed the Orange Movement and that now Kambas are not to be trusted as a result of his greed. They are being painted as a people who not only sit on the fence, but make promises they do not intend to keep for the sake of short-term political gain.

Kalonzo says that he wants to reconcile the nation. How will he do this when he failed to find a middle ground in his contest with his dear brother Raila? I have said in a previous post that Kalonzo is not fit to run this country and my view has only been reinforced by his recent behavior. He is dishonest, even by the usual political standards, and lacks any moral authority to pontificate on good governance when he spent his entire formative years in politics being one of Moi's ardent hatchet man. He has now proven to be even more power hungry than Raila ever could. If he believes that his current gambit will assure him a shot at the presidncy in 2012, I hope that the likes of John Harun Mwau and Mama Rainbow Charity Ngilu swiftly remind him that even his hegemony over Ukambani is not total or absolute.

The ball, unfortunately, is now in Raila's court. He can capitulate and play the role of a weakened opposition, or he can come to an arrangement with Kibaki and join the cabinet, albeit in less significant ministries. Either way, Raila will not be sworn in as President of the republic any time soon. But, as the pundits say, it's better to be in government than out. Where will this country be in a week's time?

Told You So...

When the date was announced for the general elections, no one was in doubt that the ODM-led Raila group would sweep the parliamentary sweepstakes. What was still undecided was what Kibaki would do to retain his presidency. The fact that he had a master tactician like Moi in his camp made things very difficult to predict. Raila was ahead in the opinion polls, but only just. Everyone was talking about the power of incumbency. It was to be seen if Kibaki would be the first African incumbent to be defeated in a presidential poll.

As it were, the choice was not the voters rto make. It is rumoured that the power-brokers and insiders surrounding Kibaki were not about to lose their shirts because their man was a gentleman. All the mechanisms were in place for a silent coup d'etat. when it became evident that the Kibaki camp was losing and losing badly, they played their last card and had the figures from Central Province massively inflated. To do this, the whole voter register in Central Province, to a man, voted for Kibaki, an unprecedented statistic. Of course, when it emerges years later that dead people voted for him, no one will care.

The violence that has befallen this benighted land in the last fortnoght can be attributed to the fact that Raila and his team do not want to admit that they are not as good as the Kibaki team at rigging elections. His cries that he is the only legitimately elected president will continually fall on deaf ears. If he imagines that the whole country will join him in a Rolling-Thunder type of campaign to dislodge the incumbent, he is sorely mistaken. After Kenyans come to realise that their stomachs are more important than their freedoms, they will leave Raila high and dry. Aand that is as it should be. Incumbents rig elections and the opposition cries foul and life goes on as before. So long as we don't mess with white people's property, things will be as they are. After all, This is Africa!!!

Denoument

My year is ending on a bad note. The general elections are around the corner. My exams are in 2 weeks and I am quite sure that I shall suck in them The fact is, 6 months of constant class-work and assignments have given me no time to cram for the exams. Thank God you only need a pass to move on. Can't say the same for Kalonzo and his brethren in the opposition. A pass for them will not be sufficient. They need to kill the establishment to become the establishment. Simply making it back into the House will not be enough. They must ensure that many of their competitors are sent packing by the huddled masses. It is on days like these that you discover that the system doesn't really give you what you want so much as what you deserve. And Kalonzo, Raila, et al deserve a serious hiding for taking the piss out of the common mwananchi.

THE COWS HAVE COME HOME

When Kalonzo and Raila had their spectacular falling out, the consensus was that the people of Ukambani had effectively locked themselves out of power for the next twenty years, and by the time the Raila tractor had run its course, the Kambas would have been reduced to political irrelevance much like the Luhya. However, all these analyses miss the point: democracy is not about giving people "a chance to rule" as the Luo are so fond of saying of Raila. Politics is all about taking risks and seeing whether they pan out or not. My reasons for thinking that Kalonzo is irrelevant have nothing to do with his electability; rather, when it comes to the 2nd liberatioin movement, he was Moi's hatchet man right up to the end. The only reason he joined the LDP rebels was that it had finally dawned on him that Moi did not consider him his natural successeor, a position he had reserved for Uhuru Kenyatta.

Kenyans must allow people to make their choice as they see fit. Intimidating people who "worship at a different church" will not be of any benefit, save to ghettoise minority communities at the expense of national cohesion and development. The ghettoisation of the Somalis was accompanied by harrowing tales of their savagery, which, as is often the case, happened to be false. I am yet to meet a people who are as loyal and generous as the Somalis. But the period in which they have been denied participation in the national development programme has resulted in them becoming more insular and isolationist and breeding extremists from among them. That is a danger that may well befall the people of Ukambani if the much anticipated Raila victory does not address their concerns.

One of the most troubling developments though, has been the union of Kibaki, Uhuru and Moi on one platform. The acrimony of the referendum seems to have been forgotten. Kibaki and his surrogates are on record that they will not prosecute Moi. Kiraitu and Karua have been silenced in their desire to see Moi behind bars. More painful is the fact that Raila is also reading from the same script: leave Moi alone! In politics, as they say, there are no permanent friends or enemies, just permanent interests. Is it that Raila realises that his presidency, if it comes to pass, shall depend on the goodwill that Moi enjoys among different stakeholders? Perhaps Raila is making the same promises he made when he merged the NDP with Kanu prior to the 2002 general elections. After he is elected president, he may decide that his promises are not legally binding and arrest Moi anyway. I hope the latter is true. Allowing the looters of yesterday to go scot free in the name of forgiving and forgetting is a betrayal that we may not forgive Raila, or indeed Kibaki, for.

On a lighter note, have Kibaki and Raila destroyed their Kanu life membership cards? Remember how much it used to cost to become a life member of Kanu. Can they still be considered life memebrs? Moi is the only one who has never defected in his entire political career.

TOLD YOU SO, DIDN'T I?

How many of you thought the Orange would still taste as sweet as it did in November of '06? Come on, raise your hands. Don't be shy, it's o.k. You weren't the only one they fooled. However, didn't I warn you that Kalonzo and Raila could not sit in the sme canoe without one of them grabbing the oars and heading for shore? This is the reality of realpolitik in Kenya. It has nothing to do with whether the perpetrators of so many political crimes are any good at what they do. All that matters is that they are in power and everyone's kissing their ass. And now, they want me to go into a small two-by-two booth and give them another 60 million over five years once more.

Are these fellows possessed? How can they squander all the goodwill they had garnered with the demise of the Moi regime and ask me to return them to the House on the hill? This is insensiitvity of the higjedst order. They should remember that I am not going to forgive them for returning Moi to the public limelight. By the fact that they are so disorganised, they have given Moi the opportuntiy to rehabilitate his blood-soaked reputation and burnish his image as the father who will save the nation. What arrant nonesnese!

There was so much promise in the beginning of '02. We had a new government (sort of), we had a new president (whom someone, and I'm not saying who, tried to assassinate) and we had hope in our hearts and spring in our step. Four years on, the only thing we are greatful for is that the current regime does not seem to to want to stuff people into overcrowded detention facilities with the same lackadaisical haste as the previous ones.

Which leads me to my main point: Kalonzo cannot go around pontificating on democracy as if he had anything to do with the 2nd Liberation. He was and shall continue to be Moi's yes man. Never mind that "his brother Raila" suffered under the jackboot of Moi's fascisicm and came out with a forgiving hand. Never mind that Kalonzo and the likes of Petkay Miriti (whom Prof. Anyang' Nyong'o is most familiar with) served Moi with unswerving, unstinting blind loyalty until that particular ship of state capsized. The ills of the Moi rule cannot be wished away nor swept under the carpet. At least baba Jimmy walked away when it mattered. No, not Kalonzo. He was still in it for the gaddi. Like Prof. Makau Mutua says, Kalonzo was in it for the presidency and when Moi tried to give it to Uhuru "UK" Kenyatta, it finally dawned on him: poor people never become president. Yes men never become president. Sycophants are useful for one thing and one thing only: kissing ass and kicking butt for the man.

The Death Knell of Kalonzo's Career

Did he really think that guys would simply say that because he is the least tainted of the presidential aspirants, that the Luminaries of the ODM would allow him to 'don the mantle' of leadership and take them to their New Zion? man, he must have a king-sized lump of bile in his throat now. Why did he believe that Raila would step aside for him? Even, Musalia, who was fired by his own constituents, is still deluding himself that the Goldenberg Scam does not affect him in any way. What a load of horse-shit.

When Parliament passed the Media Bill without proper quorum, that spoke volumes of the motives of these politicians. Paying lip-service to the concept of media freedom, they did absolutely nothing to forestall the outcome. Whether we like it or not, Mr. Kibaki's troops have done what they have always said they would do. They are not spending valuable Parliamentary time campaigning for posts that may or may not be theirs. They have already decided that he will make the best possible candidate for the presidency come the next general elections. Meanwhile, Kalonzo and his cronies are walking in and out of political liaisons as if the presidency is theirs as of right. Let us remind them that when they were part of the Kanu machinery, and Raila and Anyang' Nyong'o was being tortured by the likes of Mr Miriti, Kalonzo and his boys did nothing. In Ukambani, they are even saying that all those who supported Mama Rainbow ended up with something, but those who ran with Kalonzo are still awaiting their just or unjust rewards. That percoeption that he is arrogant and aloof will not go away, not now or in the near future.

Kalembe Ndile, semi-literate he may be, hit the nail on the head: Kalonzo hana nyundo! Kalonzo does not have a hammer or a hummer for that matter. In politics, the slogan is sometimes crucial. Raila invented the Kibaki tosha line. Now he owns ODM nyundo. What does Kalonzo bring to the table by way of populism? Nothing! He is not mtu wa watu, but some ivory-tower living type with the common touch of a leper.

I hope we get a leader who will truly have our interests at heart. For the moment, I don't see anyone but Raila or Kibaki being that person. Everyone else should just admit, they are not presidential material and never will be.

The way to the Bar

Perserverence is not a word many of us associate with lawyers, is it? You all think that all we do is sit around and cook up these nefarious schemes to part you from your hard-earned paycheques. Well, the truth is rather more complicated than that. While we will part you from your pay-cheque, we don't sit around cooking up schemes to do it. Instead, we all go to university, sometimes for as long as eight years, get our degrees, then suffer the vagaries of the over-crowded, under-equipped, ego-central that is the Kenya School of Law, where if you piss off the wrong person, you may spend more time cooling your heels before you can legally part anyone from their wallets.

It has taken me a long time to get here and I must say that apart from the eye-candy floating around, the place leaves me very underwhelmed. You'd expect that for the 90k I parted with for the privilege of being here, this place would be kicking it like no one's business. But, the truth is, I am about as excited as a monastic monk at a rock concert. We got this old guy for one of the more challenging units whose been there since the late seventies and the guy goes out of his way to demonstrate what an utter moron I am; indeed, we are all morons in his eyes who do not deserve to practice law in this fair nation of ours. If he has anything to do with it, 65% of my classmates will be detained by that fellow till he deems them ready. Which may take a very very long time indeed!

Now, if it was just the matter of passing exams, I would have no problem with some my instructors. But the fact that their egos are in charge, having them as our examiners is just plain unfair-it's akin to deciding the venue of the match and the referees and then deciding what a win may be by the other side. The deck is stacked against us. We will never be able to beat 'em with their superiority.

But, I am not despairing yet. Things have a habit of changing in Kenya, and I can see a tidal wave washing away some of the detritus at the School, including old foggies past their teaching prime. I mean, the moment you start getting confused by cellular telephones, it is time for you to call it a day.

The Ship of State

The way Baba Jimmy is running his regime, you might be mistaken for thinking that the man was asleep at the wheel. But nothing could be further from the truth. The truth of the matter is, the ship if state is still afloat and it is steaming ahead without any icebergs in its future. It is the hapless ODM canoe that is amusing me greatly. Never mind that the architects of that particular boat are all consummate politicians. Never mind that they command sizable constituencies of their own. And never mind that they also command great financial resources.

Despite all this, it is still a toss-up whether the ODM machinery will survive till the general elections. Kalonzo and Raila, the self-confessed front-runners in the ODM camp, are busily establishing separate secretariats of their own. They are both so convinced of their saviour-of-the-nation status, they are becoming more and more hubristic as the general elections approach. And now, Uncle Moody wants to cheat them of the time needed to convince their fellow-travellers of their good prospects, if not of their good intentions.

If the current Bill is passed, they may break up well before the February voting day. I don't know that I would be disappointed in a second Kibaki term; after all, all politicians are thieves. He, however, has ensured a period of relative calm. I am indeed grateful that his face does not adorn every newspaper page and he is not afforded three-quarters of TV airtime as was the case with Nyayo.

So he has his Anglo-Leasing. So what? Unlike Goldenberg, no one is accusing Baba Jimmy of being the mastermind behind that particular scam. The Goldenberg fiasco tainted everyone from the Head of State on down. Which is why, I am confident that even if no new programmes are announced in the next five years, we will be alright. That sentiment cannot be associated with the clowns in the ODM. The sooner they put their affairs in order, the better their prospects will be. If they are unable to, the only fair thing would be for them to allow UK to stand on his own.

Are we seeing the death knell of romance?

Maina Kageni in the morning, for most mornings, is a disappointment. I am sure he has legions of female listeners who imagine themselves being the new Mrs. Kageni. However, on this particular morning, while his show had the usual mix of inanity and morning intoxication, it did raise one glaring fact: romance is dead. It has been dead for a long time.

I am not talking about the mzungu concept of romance involving flowers and champagne. I am talking about chivalry and graciousness. Men are no longer chivalrous and women are very rarely gracious. It all has to do with how far we have come on this road to male/female equality. This equality is killing off the last vestiges of romance in this country. After all, if we can all do it all, why should we allow someone else to do it for us? I am aware that the legions of women's rights activists are not (all) divorced harridans with axes to grind. I am also aware that they have very valid concerns on the inequity and iniquity of the current state of affairs. But I just wish that things could have been done with a lot more sensitivity to the kinds of families we would end up with.

Nairobi is no longer a hospitable city. I suspect that neither are our larger towns. This, in my opinion, has to do with the fact that with the collapse of the village and the extended family, and the attendant bonds they fostered, and the failure of the nuclear family to take up the slack, there has been no inculcation of any values for the young men and women of today. So we end up with motivated over-achievers who do not appreciate the simple joy of doing something for someone without pay or reward or, more crucially, having someone doing something for you without any ulterior motive.

Media Freedom is a sham

That the Kenyan media is crying foul without a debate over the media bill is the greatest sham in this entire drama. For years, it has been an open secret that if your were on the receiving end of negative public opinion, all you had to do was pay your friendly neighbourhood reporter kitu kidogo before you saw your stock rise in the press. They cannot have it both ways: if they are going to regulate themselves, then the allegations of corruption leveled against them must be addressed properly and fully. Otherwise, it would be better for the State to take over that function from their less than clean hands. Accusing the state of the same level of corruption that is prevalent in their industry is counter-productive and hypocritical to say the least.

What I resent is the holier-than-thou attitude that the Minister for Information has adopted. When Mr. Kagwe failed to act after the Gestapo-style invasion of the premises of the Standard Group, it was clear which side of his slice of bread was buttered. His reluctance to take a stance on the matter has now only been surpassed by the publishing and introduction of the Media Bill in Parliament. The intention is clear - he and his cronies in the Government of National Unity wish to manage the press before, during and after the national elections; this management is not meant to be a benign hands-off affair but a full-time, hands-on matter of 'national security'.

But, is the press as influential as their shrieks of panic suggest? Perhaps the main-stream media are as professional as they were once in the mid-eighties. I am not persuaded that the rest of the players rise to the level that can be described as an honest press. Their over-dependence on sensationalism and sex to sell media space is deplorable. Their standards, especially in language and editorial content is truly abysmal. But what really gets my goat is the fact the they do not subscribe to any form of control, whether self- of government-control. They make up stories as they go along; they lie and misrepresent facts; and, worst of all, they mislead their consumers. It is just a matter of time before all the institutions that are meant to protect the citizenry are tarred with the same brush, the brush of corruption.

What is needed at this crucial time is an honest debate about democracy and how to democratise all our public institutions. With the political parties, perhaps, there is need for the old-school, KANU-style membership drives of the past. If you own the party, then you can never complain that it does not listen to you. A democratisation of the electoral process would involve making provisions for ballots to be cast for none of the candidates on the ballot as an expression of ones disagreement with the party nominees. With the media, the establishment of offices of public ombudsmen would go a long way in addressing the complaints of their customers. Otherwise, I will not be persuaded that when all these essentially undemocratic bodies go too war, that I should be called upon to defend them.

Having Children

When you think that you are having children, it must come as a shock to realise that it is the children that are having you. You are no longer master, or mistress, of all that you survey. Everything is held hostage to the whims and wherewithals of that fragile being that is the fruit of your loins. You are unable to plan without considering its needs. And those that that do not consider its needs are held in very low regard by their peers, society and, in certain extreme cases, the state.

I watched a film last night about the abuse children suffer at the hands of parents, friends of parents and other beastly beings. Then I was shocked out of my seat when NTV televised this broadcast about child abuse in a specific school in central Kenya. I do not know where we are heading, but it is definitely not heaven. When parents, grandparents and other relatives resort to the kind of violence and abuse as was portrayed against innocent children, this world dies a little. How do you explain a father impregnating his daughter; when the child from that unnatural act is of age, he impregnates it too? Why would that family be forgiven by the Almighty? Why would He forgive our land? We are truly doomed!

Sexual abuse is not the only curse befalling our families today. Recently, the papers ran a series of pictures of children who had been brutally assaulted physically by those meant to protect them from harm. There were heart-rending images of children with burnt bodies, broken limbs and mutilated bodies. Many of their attackers were women, leading me to belive that the image we tend to portray of women as the natural care-givers for these innocent lives is quickly losing its sheen.

All this tells me that Kenyan society is dying. Institutions like the Nairobi Women's Hopsital are all laudable efforts, but we need to treat the root causes of this collapse in moral and social values. Simply throwing money towards alleviating the pain that is being caused, will no longer suffice. We need to approach God and beg His mercy, for if we don't, the bad old days of active village participation in child-sacrifices will be upon us.

WHOSE RIGHTS ARE WE DEFENDING?

The idea that we should give divorcees more rights in that event is gaining currency in Kenya with the claims that married women, whether employed or stay-at-home, contribute significantly to the acquisition of the family wealth. This may or may not be the truth; however, the application of the law should be done so in honesty, based on fact and not emotion or sentiment. Unless a credible argument can be made that the system as it is today is unconstitutional with regards to divorce settlements, then there is nothing that can be done in the way the courts interpret the Marriage Acts and other family laws.

The laws that we apply today in the deciding of family cases admittedly are archaic given the changed nature of the society. But, women and other interest groups have not done much to advance the cause of law reform in the last few years to address the inequalities inherent in the present system. I am not persuaded that the best way to proceed is the Indian or American way where 'activist' judges literally take the law into their own hands. The best way forward, the way that would avoid anarchy and confusion in the courts, would be to reform the relevant laws. Women and the youth form at least seventy per cent of the population of this country. Is it too much to ask that they combine their forces to thwart the retrograde policies of the old guard and the powers-that-be in Parliament today? Of course, there could always be violent demonstrations to indicate the level of displeasure inherent in the patriarchal systems of family being applied today!!!

KENYAN WOMEN ARE CORRUPT

Recently, the Sunday Nation had a caption in one of its stories claiming that Kenyan women politicians are or would be less corrupt than their male copunter-parts. I am astounded at this level of naivette in what is presumably a well-run, well-staffed major newspaper. It is canards like these that perpetrate the sexual divide in Kenyan public life as in all other aspects of social life in this country. It has been proven time and again that women are just as corrupt as men: remember Nyiva Mwendwa and her 'hairdresser' to Beijing? Wasn't there some HIV/AIDs money that went missing during the tenure of that famous woman who got Kibaki's pardon? What about that woman who was in charge of the Pyrethrum Board? The Rent Tribunal? These cases are legion.

Now, we should be championing the inclusion of women in public life, not because they are better than men but because they are just as competent as men as well as the fact they will bring new perspectives to national debates on important national subjects. Perhaps becaus of their needs, national focus may be shifted to social programmes of which the lack thereof affects women more than men. I sincerely hope they will act just as corruptly as the men; it is high time women got paid for all the lapses of the men in charge of national affairs. And if we get a women-led Goldenberg or Anglo-Leasing, I will consider it progress.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE

Now, I am sure all those folks in Virginia Tech must be going out of their minds with the all the 'concern' being expressed by politicians of all persuasions at the tragedies that have befallen them in recent days. But, I am hoping that they will step back and reflect on the fact that their politicians are not treally concerned about their welfare but of looking good in front of potential voters so that they can score points in 2008. The presidential race has well and truly began.

The issue of gun-control will always be on the minds of Americans, but when politicians equate the US Constitution with the avalue of human life, it defeats the purpose for which the United States were created in the first place. The 2nd Amendment was enacted for a different time and when morons like those in the NRA and like-minded travellers state that amending the 2nd Amendment would be an attack on 'American civil liberties', I wonder whose civil liberties they are protecting? Is it all those armed felons out there or is it really the gun-manufacturing industry. Canada has proven that gun possession can be controlled and gun use can be regulated as shown by the remarkably low rate of gun-crime in North America.

George W. Bush and his cabinet have done woefully little to address the issue of guns and crime. The rate of gun crime in America is not going down, never mind that the rate of violent crime might be reducing. But the proportion of gun-crime within violent crime has remained steady for years. With 240 million guns in American hands ( and those are the licensed, lawfully-owned ones) America is still one of the most gun-happy nations in the world.

From a geo-political point of view, this is not reassuring. The permanent members of the UN Security Council are the highest exporters of small arms in the world. Where do you think these arms end up? Think of all those insurgent movements and little wars going on world-wide. From the Darfur to Iraq, the P5 are all guilty of perpetrating this cycle of violence.

So when I see members of the US Congress decrying the increasing use of guns to commit crimes in schools and colleges across the country, I am convinced that they are speaking with forked tongues. Apart from a lone Congress-woman who introduces gun-control legislation every year on Capitol Hill, the rest of that bunch will keep looking the other way when the youth of the nation are cut down before the prime of their lives.

Your Family or Your Job?

Last Sunday in the Sunday Nation, they went on and on about the fact that parents were taking their pre-teen children to pubs in the excuse of family days while in actual fact they shunt them off into laxly supervised play-pens and proceed to get druink with their cronies. Never mind that these joints do not have separate sanitary facilities for the young 'uns; never mind that these children are being socialised in very un-socialble places; never mind that the law is clear about access by children to dens of iniquity and vice. What we are witnessing is a generational shift from family values to hedonism.

Young parents, and some of the older ones, no longer want to spend time with their loved ones; they want to spend time with their friends and work-mates. Look at how much time we devote to making and spending money, and how much time we do not devote to keeping our children on the straight and narrow. The result? Ten-year old alcoholics undergoing rehabilitation. And we wonder why this country's families are going to the dogs!

I see a paradigm shift in the role the community and government played in socialising families. Never would your village have allowed you to drag your children to a makuti jam rescue as a form of family entertainment. Never would the village have allowed you to transform your children into your friends. Society would have reminded you that your children need to behave and play fair; that a rod a day kept alcoholism at bay. Society would have punished you harshly for destroying your family's future by indulging yourself.

Today, the government is busy self-destructing and community no longer exists. We are all busy struggling to survive life to bother with your life. If you screw up, that is your own damn fault. Will your siblings pick-up the slack? Hell no! Your brother or sister is busy scheming on how to cheat you out of your inheritance to really have your welfare in mind. Your pastor is busy scheming to defraud the church and deflower your daughter (or son, if he is a Roman Catholic). The local cops are busy colluding with their kindred spirits in the Mungiki to rob you blind-literally.

Where do you turn? Whom do you turn to? The answer, unsurprisingly, is yourself. As parents you have no choice but to grab the bull by the horns and address this crisis. Else, you will not have children living under your benign direction, but revolutionaries on the warpath of change. Teenage hormones simply complicate matters. Remember how difficult you were at that age. Now just alcohol and whatever drug of choice is available to the mix, and stare in awe at the results!

Recently a family was shocked to discover that their innocent-looking daughter was not only promiscuous but on her way to full-blown alcoholism. That they didn't know is no surprise. It is time parents remembered that money is not everything; its pursuit can ruin you in other more devastating ways. Look after your real investments and enjoy retirement at the right age. Ignore them, and your will suffer whirlwinds such as have never been suffered in family histories.

The Education of Climate Change

The world is currently seized of the topic of climaTe change, but Kenya is living with its head buried in the sand. The Government is not doing anything to create a national discussion of the issues. They should borrow a leaf from the Old Man as in his soil erosion campaigns and the construction of gabions kuzuia mmonyoko wa udongo, as the slogan went. The world is spending goodly amounts of dollars to make the problem of climate change go away. You have your CDMs, your carbon-trading and such-like programmes. When a less sophisticated country like Uganda is getting the lion's share of funding for climate change mitigation/adaptation programes, it is time for the Kenya government to wake up to the realisation that the global cake is being divided and we are not even at the dining table, let alone in the room. For this country to benefit from the resultant allocation of international resources and the attendant technologies and knowledge thereof, we must evolve a strategy that involves all Kenyans-from kindergarten upwards. This top-down strategy that is currently being pursued is not going to yield sustainable fruits.

Which brings me to the role that NEMA is playing in the matter of environmental management today. It is completely missing its point by a mile. What NEMA should be actively engaged in at present is co-ordinating government departments in the arena of environmental management. They should be taking their lead from NEMA, not the other way around. When you have Perment Secretaries refusing to meet with the Director General, you have serious problems in emphasising your mandate. Dr. Mwinzi is a personable enough man, but he should now put his foot down and tell them that the show is his to run. NEMA has a unique opportunity of reversing the trend towrds environmental irrelevance that this nation has been following since Rio in '92. Whenever the Western powers come up with a strategy to move the UNEP HQ to some western capital, the lead in countering this should be taken by NEMA, not Tuju's MFA which has proven itself inept and crippled by cronyism and scandal.

NEMA occupies a unique statutory position in that it can dictate to any government department on environmental policy without the fear of political interference. That it is not happening just shows how much we need to move in empowering parastatals and other public instsutuions to ignore ill-judged and ill-implemented political machinations. When it starts playing its role in the full, the matter of environmental policy and all the attendaant subjects will become national topics that are addressed by all Kenyans, just like in the bad old days.

Child Abuse

What happens when a child who was molested grows up? There are those whose traumatic experiences ruin their lives from the get go; then there are those who are on a slow burn until it all boils over and they act out. For boys who become men, their mistrust of all others is all pervasive. They are unable to sustain relationships for long, they cannot move beyond the horror of the beastly or perverted acts they were compelled to do. Especially when the acts were perpetrated by the ones who were supposed to care for them. They never recover; no one does. They grow up, become lawyers or doctors, but beyond their careers, they have nothing. They are closed off from the rest of the world, from their families. They don't have any friends, just acquaintances. They TRUST NO ONE, THEY BLAME EVERYONE!

Why there will never be Democracy in Kenya

Last Thursday on KTN's Public Opinion programme, they asked whether Kenyan political parties practiced democracy, whether internal or otherwise. The received opinion was that, yes, Kenyan political parties practiced some form of democracy and that they had structures in place to address this crucial element of participatory governance. I beg to differ with the professors of academia and politics and point out that the last democratic political party in Kenya was, ironically, the one that formed the least democratic government in the history of my young nation: KANU.

It is the only party which had actual citizens as members. Can anyone, who is not a politician or an aspiring politician, claim to be a member of any political party in Kenya today? Where are the party membership cards? Where are the grassroots party offices? Where are the structures that assure a party member shall climb to the top of that particular greasy pole? Sadly, these structers are missing from all political parties in Kenya today. These are bodies that are owned and opearted by the politicians that populate them.

During the referendum on the draft constitution, Kenyans were exhorted by members of the Orange Democratic Movement to reject the draft. At that moment, the ODM was a pessure group and as such it worked very well. It is in their haste to convert it into a political party that the politicians erred significantly. Pressure groups by their very nature are short-lived. Parties on the other hand are meant to last very long periods, held together by philosophies or principles or more importantly, ideologies. Todays political parties in Kenya have neither. They only have the politicians' interests at heart. To suggest that the citizenry can contribute to the party is anathema to these politicians. I suspect this is the reason why when they are elected to Parliament, they forget about the people who elected them. If they never had dealings with them before (at party-level), how will they listen to them when they are elected?

These are the reforms that politician will not address. And this lack of dialogue will inform on all aspects of governance. The fight against graft will not be won. Reforms in public service will not work. They economic growth will not benefit the poor. Our nation will continue to languish at the bottom of all comparative lists on governance and development. Consequently, real democracy will never be experienced in Kenya.

THE GLOBAL WAR AGAINST GRAFT

Recently the UK government was fighting a rear guard action with regards to certain contracts with certain Middle East nations for sales of defence equipment. Teflon Tony has gone on record that Africa needs to do more to fight corruption in all its forms, including not interfering in investigations into allegations of corruption. But when it came right down to it, Mr Blair was willing to sacrifice his high moral ground for profits camouflaged as 'national security interests'. In the West, national security is the catch-all phrase that justifies all manner of perfidy. Us poor folk in the 3rd World don't have the same privileges, and whenever we raise our voice regarding such double-standards, high-sounding statements are issued which indicate that for the most part we are either ignornt of the situation or just plain crazy!

But what really pisses me off is the fact that they will go to all lengths to sell out-dated, sub-standard equipment to 3rd World Countries for twice what they are worth and claiming that it is in the 'national interest'. They steal from us; they use corrupt means to conceal their theft; when they are caught they use a phrase that is an insult to the starving masses they profess to care for. We should all admit that a war on graft is against human nature and agree to disagree on what constitutes corruption within our own sovereign boundaries.

Will the real axis of evil please stand up!!!

Now that Dubya has agreed to sit down with the Axis of Evil over Iraq, what happens to all that huffing and puffing in his gfirst inauguration speech? We know that Iran is still keen to get their bomb; a sit down over Iraq will not change this fact. Syria is still dreaming of the day when it will be a respected member of the Commity of Nations; however, their rigid, unchanging autocratic and terrorist-supporting government will not be wished away with a sit-down with the Great Satan.

However, if certain realpolitik decisions are made now, perhaps all can have their cake and eat it too. The key here is money and oil-Iraq has the oil, everybody else hopes it will make them happy. Bush and his cronies will need to negotiatea settlement with all the former members of the Axis of Evil: Iran, Syria, Libya and North Korea. Iran and Syria have the power to end the insurgency. Libya and North Korea have already joined the road to redemption, but NK need energy to sustain that journey. That can only come from Iraq. So, a pacified Iraq has a ripple effect on another of the US' diplomatic moves.

The only dark cloud over this rosy future is Israel. Fighing on the Syrian, Iranian and Palestinian fronts is not easy; doing it without Ameriac's undivided attention is down right dangerous. They have to decide how far they will be willing to accomodate a Hezbollah-led Palestinian Authority. If they can live in an un-easy peace with each other, the US may be convinced to move their attention to more imprtant matters such as the search (once again) for secure energy supplies. A safe Iraq is the key to the unravelling of the unravelling in the Middle East.

The New New Thing

In fashion, and other things, there's always a New Thing. I don't know what is the new New Thing in fashion et al, but the New Thing in international relations, after a very long hiatus, is pre-emptive intervention. This doctrine, as promulgated by the neocons and their ilk is one of the most important developments in recent history. The theories that had been crafted in the aftermath of the Second World War and the Cold War have been reinterpreted to address the new challenges of non-state actors on international relations. The rise of global networks of criminals and terrorists and their potential marriage is a nightmare from which the waking day brings no comfort.

In film and fictional literature, this marriage is being addressed with very interesting results. However, the response of the world powers has been predictable, to say the least. George W Bush's America has chosen the path of direct military engagement with lacklustre results. The recent events in Afghanistan, Pakistan and the wider Muslim world have not been encouraging. The ISG recommendations have been welcomed and lampooned in equal measure. I cannot debate their relevance or lack thereof, but I wish to point out that the US has a golden opportunity to reorient how we think about global security.

Unfortunately, the prism of moral clarity cannot be employed in international relations. Nations shall have to deal with odious characters, dictators and charlatans. Their moral compass cannot guide them to a better understanding of their friends or foes. What needs to be better defined is the national interest. And it is this definition that must ultimately determine how states counter non-state actors and the states that support them. Therefore, if the US were to co-opt the 'evil' players on the world stage such as Hamas and Iran, it will be merely be determining that its moral compass has no place in finally deciding American security. Therefore, it is laudable that Bush hasn't completely buckled under liberal pressure to moralise American foreign policy. Guantanamo and extraordinary renditions are the visible evidence of this amoral approach to foreign policy. It must, though, be followed to its logical end. Whether is citizens accept it or not, the liberties and freedoms they enjoy are an aberration that must be rectified if they are to remain safe and isolated from the problems that afflict the world. If one or two Afghans suffer for their safety, then it is a price they must be willing to pay. If some US citizens are determined to side with the perpetrators of such heinous crimes as the 9/11 attack, they must be rendered ineffective by all means possible. Otherwise, other non-state actors shall be emboldened to strike again at symbols of American strength and prosperity.

In a world where men and women are willing to shed innocent blood, the world powers cannot be hamstrung with the niceties of statute and constitutional law. They must be allowed the lee-way to strike at all havens of crime and terror without worrying about collateral damage. This doesn't mean that they have a free pass to do as they please. They must be willing to put in place mechanisms for the use of force and counter-force. They must be able to better appreciate that societies cannot be reformed by the sword, but by a higher logic. They must also do all that is necessary to protect innocent life, even in those havens of crime and terror. Otherwise, the memories of freedom movements past shall be used to inspire a new crop of Freedom Fighters. To avoid this, they must learn the proper lessons of history, or we are all doomed.

Personality clashes from hell

I work for what passes for a public-private enterprise in these parts known as a parastatal. Mine is in the up-and-coming sector known as environmental justice. It's run by a Committee of seven. One member never turns up for their meetings. Ever. One other comes so infrequently they have nicknamed his appearances technical ones. The rest, including the titular head, are in it only for the money. And the pittance they receive for their pains is jealously hoarded and guarded. I bet they would die fighting to keep the little they get ("You will pry them from my cold dead hands...") for they fight a whole lot more to get it. This past week we have been to our nation's tourist hotspot, investigating environmental hooliganism of the worst sort. The work got done allright, but the amount of grandstanding, backstabbing, infighting and cat-fighting that went on would have made a KKK convention at a Black Panther Party look like a Sunday school cookout. I love this bunch: not a day goes by without some sort of explosion with people pulling rank and cabals being formed. I just hope they don't really kill each other before I get to learn how they can stick it to each other and smile as if their hands were as white as the driven snow!!

Summer Blockbusters, here I am!

I am a movie fanatic. However, that is all I am. I cannot do an Ebert review of a movie. I can only watch and enjoy. I have had so much fun this year I can't wait for the block-buster season to begin. I loved V for Vendetta. I loved X-Men 3. I loved M:I 3. I just hope that Superman, Cars, and Casino Royale live up to my extremely low standards and make me forget my insignificant attempts to make a life for me and my family.

Greed is Good?

Gordon Gekko! The most influential movie business figure ever. I think Dubya and Co. just love him to death. Else how do you explain their obsession with getting it right in iraq. By all accounts, there is no way they will get it right. The Iraqis have proven without doubt that western ideas of democracy are mere hyperbole. What they really want to do is slaughter each other and export this violence to parts abroad.

Greed made the Coalition of the Willing invade Iraq. Greed is keeping them there. Soon they will realise that greed is not enough. For you to succed in your greed, you shall also need intellectual fortitude and foresight. Planning and execution, especially of war, cannot be left to wannabes. That Dubya and Blair are learning this the hard way should be a lesson to all future warmongers. If it is just to punish someone for something stupid they did, then by all means go to war and withdraw immediately you win. If it is some abstract idea of 'Planting the seeds of democracy", then you are best served by suffering your pain in silence.

I love the Ayatollahs of Iran. This lot has not diluted its message in close to thirty years. That they are hated the most by the west speaks volumes of their fortitude and foresight. It is debatable whether their desire for the Bomb is wise or not. But they know they have the west by the scrotum. An invasion at this juncture is not impossible, merely difficult to conclude safely. Even the Jewish Bomb is no good. The fall out will inevitably engulf them too. They are screwed either way. Local dissidence has been ruthlessly snuffed out or pushed out. Either way, it is pretty much non-existent.

If Dubya and Teflon Tony want to make Iraq a consistent supplier for feeding their greed, they need to act as the Ayatollahs. That is what the Iraqis understand. That is what they need. That is the only thing that will work.

HYPOCRISY IN CRISIS

This cannot be a good time for US foreign policy. They now have to choose between the lesser of two evils. If they leave Palestine to its own devices, the Hamas-majority Legislature may just prove very good at fund-raising and ultimately slip farther away from US control, however tenuous it may be today.

On the other hand, the US may continue to fund that government, essentially giving money to a bunch of thugs hell-bent on spreading anarchy and violence worldwide and the US will become the dubious backer of a terrorist state.

But is this really that strange? The US, for years, gave enough money and firepower to Saddam's Iraq to wage a war with Iran. The US, in the Great Game against the former USSR, gave enough money and firepower to dozens of Third World dictators to thwart whatever latent Socialist and Communist tendencies that may have existed.

Therefore, the US should not feel shy about funding a Hamas-dominated Palestine. It will be in line with what they have done for decades. They cannot simply walk away from their legacy or wish it away from their psyche. This is what the US does. So, let us let them get on with it!

NO ABSOLUTE FREEDOMS

Muslims are within their rights to be pissed off at the toons doing the rounds and the Danish must review their freedoms in a more conservative context. When we took political science in First Year at Uni, we were taught about the Social Contract. Man agreed to give up absolute freedom for state sponsored security. Over the centuries, we have whittled down this contract to almost the bad old days of the State of Nature.

What the news-editors in Denmark did was attrocious. Just because you have the right to say something offensive, doesn't mean you should. Taking on Islam is playing with fire. Like it or not, when it comes to the Prophet they are all fanatics. They will not take kindly to His denigration, even of it is done 'in context'. They will react, sometimes violently, but always vocally. So we need to tread carefully when we tangle with their objects of veneration. They are not Christians. They don't have our sense of tolerance for depicting Jesus Christ in various cases of embarrasment. This should guide our relations and interactions when addressing their needs and proirities. Commentators are wrong to suggest that the muslims 'over-reacted'.

LET THEM FALL

Whoever told them that they were indestructible should pay them back for all the pain they are about to undergo. Ndile was right. Uncle Moody did them a favour by installing TVs at Kamiti. Now the likes of Saitoti and his merry band of Goldenberg suspects should become very comfortable guests of the serikali. However, they shouldn't be treated the way Samuel Moroto was at Molo. They really shouldn't put them in the same cells with ordinary every-day gansters.

But seriously, Bosire should be shot. Billions lost forever is not a very comfortable statement to make. And to spend 400 billion of our tax shillings to do so is or should be crime. How can billions simply disappear? It's not as if these guys are rocket scientists. And now that Mwiraria has paved the way for himself to fall on his own sword so that Kibaki doesn't have to deal with the repercussions of stupid politicians, the KACCc should move swiftly to put the Anglo-Leasing saga to bed.

Otherwise, why the fuck is Ringera making 2 million shillings when there are billionaires in the making in government? We demand an end to this charade of one set of profiteering rober-barons telling us who's to blame for the dismal state of public finances. As far as i am concerned, all these politicians are crooks in Hugo Boss suits. The only difference between them and the highway robbers along the Nairobi-Mombasa highway, is that they have official, government-santioned gun-totting GSU bodyguards. And that shit ain't right!

WHY GITHONGO NEEDS TO GO DOWN

Regular readers will no doubt wonder whether I am off my rocking chair. The fact of the matter is, I have no love lost for Kibaki and his gang of modern-day robber-barons. But I deeply love my country and I take great exception at people putting its security at grave risk. The Kamanis and Somaiyas will eventually get what is coming to them, no matter how long it takes. However, they were merely playing true to their type. They are a greedy and money-hungry bunch that I wouldn't lose sleep over if they got ran over by the proverbial bus.

However, when it comes to Mr. Githongo, there is some part of me that wishes I could forgive him his sins. But the larger part of me simply wants to take him out back and kick the ever-living shit out of him. What he did deserves the full might of governmental retribution this side of armageddon.

Had he simply pointed out the thugs that were making money illegally, that would have been fine by me. But to point out to all our enemies that our nation is ill-defended, ill-equipped and unprepared to wage a successful military campaign, that I cannot, will not forgive. So, if Kibaki and co. go after his ass, I will cheer them on willingly and enthusiastically.

Can you imagine what would happen if the trigger-happy Sudanese were to simply march across our common border now that it emerges that the security services have been ill-equipped for decades? They may be well-trained and disciplined, but our secueirty services' calculations take into account the fact that when it comes to equipment, we are streets ahead of the neighbourhood's unstable nations. Now it emerges-all because Githongo felt cheated by the politicians whom he had volunteered to work for-that they can't call each other securely because a few Kikuyus and Indians wanted to make more money than God's accountant.

Taking Githongo to court and arraigning him on treason charges is the least we can do for this fledgling nation of ours. We can't have government servants privy to all security-related and top-secret information blabbing to the media whenever things don't go their way. Githongo must pay and if this regime doesn't make him do it, the next one must. After all, treason has no statute of limitations, does it?

Who's your daddy now?

The end is nigh. Kneel down, Mr. Politician, and kiss my ass. If there is one thing we no longer need it is that animal called the politician. Imagine if we were to cut them out completely from the decision-making process, if we were to decide for ourselves that food security was a priority, that we no longer wanted to get mugged on the streets, that our children should be fed and clothed, that we should spend our national energies in eradicating ignorance, hunger and poverty, imagine what a wonderful world that would be.

Kibaki and his cronies and Raila and his bandwagon have lied and cheated us out of a prosperous nation. Blaming Moi will only account for some of our problems. The remaining problem in Kenya is the so-called Narc wave. the promises they made and broke are significantly more painful because we were supposed to be going to the New Jerusalem in this land of ours. Instead, what Moi had perfected in over 24 years of politicking, Kibaki and co. managed to adapt in 3 years. I liked Moi's style. It was laid back, but efficient. He was rutheless muthafucka who wouldn't let anybody fuck around in his business. With Kibaki, he's like a bitch getting screwed over by his friends and enemies alike. I mean, how many Goldenberg guys have been convicted? Even before that case gets underway, Kibaki's boys have Anglo-Leasing, Navy ships that never get delivered, famine, sickness and poverty.

To survive, we need to stop believing in politics. We must stop voting. Let them spend their billions campaigning. That's waht they like. Lets us elect no one ever again. Let us decide as families and communities to help oursleves, cos the fucking politicians have sold their souls to the devil.

TEHRAN, AGAIN?

So the Iranian president denies the Holocaust, so what? He is first and foremost a politician, then a diplomat, if at all, next. He is under no obligation to be nice about the Holocaust. Of course, he is being tactless and crude, but does this amount to the level of belligerence? I don't see it that way.

When Dubya decided that Saddam had to go, and that he would bring Iraq to its knees to achieve his aims, the world agreed largely with him. Thay had no qualms in allowing a nation to invade another on the flimsiest of suspicions that even American prosecutors would have thrown out of court, no matter how badly the Judges were stacked against justice.

What everyone fears is that Tehran will one day have a nuke to lob at Israel. But, history shows us that only one nation has ever nuked another. India and Pakistan, implacable foes since the mid-fifties, now possess nuclear weapons, yet they aren't about to go to war with each other. I don't see how Iran could possibly go to war with another nuclear power. It would be suicide.

While Tehran has supported suicide bombing missions to Israel, there is no evidence to show that some of the bombers were Iranian. A nuclear war would be suicidal for them. What really gets the West's goat is that Iran learnt from Iraq's mistakes. Just when Iraq's nuclear facilities were about to go operational, Israel blew them to kingdom come. Unfortunately, they had located them in one area, easy to find and consequently, easy to bomb. Iran, cheekily, has dispersed all its facilities precisely because they will be harder to find and bomb.

Such tactical dispersion removes any disadvantages Iran might have in terms of conventional military defenses. It is this lack of tactical advantage for Iran's potential foes that makes them mad. Iran is refusing to play by their rules. They are not placing themselves in harm's way and the Americans are not happy about it. Further, Iran being such a difficult nation to penetrate, what with its peculiar popularity for a clearly demented political system, could it be that the West and Israel are finding it difficult to locate all of Iran's nuclear facilities. This would explain why there is so much talk of a 'democratic wave' sweeping the Middle East as a result of any potential success in Iraq. But such hope is mere speculation. Iran so far has not shown the same desire as the other regimes in the region for Western-style democracy or systems. That is ultimately the paradox of Iran. And the reason why all talk of an imminent invasion is just that-TALK.

Strength

What do you admire most about your political heroes? Or just about any of your heroes? I don't have a political hero, but I can identify what I admire about certain political leaders even though I loath and detest the whole lot of them.

Mr Raila Odinga is leading us down a dark and dangerous road. He knows this, but in his mind it is clear that he must do this to win. And he will do this until Kibaki and his cowboys see the error of their ways. The days of Kibaki Tosha are well and truly over; now we are in the days of uncertainty.

However, whatever I admire about Raila is the way he is determined to chart his own course in the murky waters that are Kenya politics. He vowed to break Kanu and this he did right before the last general elections. He has now vowed to have a general election before the end of 2006. he may very well do what he has promised. His political currency is all that remains of a shortlived and stormy relationship with Kibaki's cowboys.

Strength is to be admired even when it is employed in dubious and nefarious activity. Nyayo was a strong man and he wasn't afraid of taking hard decisions. Dubya is a strong man-he went to war knowing that he was right. He didn't let the little details worry him. These were to be managed by the likes of Powell and Cheney and Rummy. His job was to win at all costs. Strong Presidents will send you to die for the most flimsy of reasons. What makes them exceptional is that you will not rebel when they do so.

Kibaki does not have any strength of character. Thatcher once said that leadership, by definition, is not consensus. Dubya has demonstrated this and so did Moi. But Kibaki has been running a coalition government rather that leading a country. Perhaps he may yet pull the rabbit out of his hat, but his performance so far does not inspire confidence. The people who have exhibited any will in his previous government were not the ones who should have done so. Kibaki failed the country by failing to reign in his cronies. They didn't get him elected, but his 'coalition-partners'. Everyone else is a hanger-on.

Now look at what has happened. Murungaru embarrassed himself such that he is persona non grata in capitals that Kenya needs to court assiduously. Doubts are being raised about the integrity, if any, of Kibaki himself. This can only create more unwanted pressures, especially in the area of budgetary support from the West.

It is hard to admire a man who, while in a leadership position, exhibits weakness and uses profane language to shore up his confidence. What makes it worse is the the sycophants around him are given enormous powers to act as they please, and their agenda is not to chart out a different path, but to please the man. Their indifference to all but their constituents doesn't make them leaders, but tribal hitmen.

I will always admire people like Raila, not because they make things happen, but because the morality and the expedience of the situation doesn't impress them. When they want something they will impose their will on an entire nation to get it. Kibaki, for all his strengths, will always remain a follower, never a leader. After all, Moi fired him twice because of his weakness, and the Old Man was rarely wrong in his assessments.

Separation of Church and State

Now the Church want to meddle again in the constitutional mess. I can never understand why religious leaders think they are the moral arbiters of society when their own society is so fucked up. Child abuse cases, financial shenanigans, murder-you name it, they have done it. And now they want to play politics. For this they must give up the cloak. They can't have their cake and eat it too.

When they were given an opportunity, they shied away from taking a stand. Everybody was on the bandwagon, one way or the other, yet the Kenyan Church was fence-sitting and playing possum when they were supposed to be telling their flock how to vote. The phrase, "foolish like sheep", describes the Kenyan congregation perfectly. When they wanted to oppose sex-education in schools, they did not hide their feelings behind sophistry and cant. They came out fighting, even though their opposition to the exercise was wrong, both morally and religiously.

Today, they want to play both sides against the middle. People of Kenya, wake up to the reality that the church treats you exactly as the sheep that you are. Think about it: this is the same question I ask about politicians. Would you allow a religious leader into your house and heart? The answer may be yes, it may be no. But you will never trust them to make the right decision on your behalf. At least, you shouldn't. They haven't demonstrated behaviour that calls for my trust. They can therefore, take a position in the pantheon of the charlatans and false prophets of this world.

The way forward in this matter, is to look at it logically and dispassionately. Put as little faith as possible on all the various leaders claiming to be our messiahs out of this mess and trust your instincts. Ask for a Draft thay will make your life better, not a Draft that will please your local strongman and self-proclaimed prophet of doom. Don't think about hypothetical children and grandchildren you don't have. Think about those who are here now and whether you can look them in the eye with love and confidence. For you to do that, you must give them the gift of a Kenya free from greed and corruption, one in which they shall be in a position to be counted as humans.

The law vs. politics

There is a fine line to be drawn between the law and politics. They feed on each other and they rely on each other for effectiveness. For there to be laws, the politicians must work together to craft Bills in Parliament. For there to be effective political governance, there has to be a structure to regulate the behavior of politicians.

When Kibaki fired his entire Cabinet and prorogued Parliament indefinitely, he was well within his powers. He did not act ultra vires vis-a-vis the constitution. If he were to call for snap General Elections now, he would still be acting well within the boundaries of the law of the land. Those who are whining at the Rais' sudden evidence of backbone should take the good as well as the bad. They wanted the referendum to fail. Now they must face the music. The man who controls the calender, under the current constitituion, is the president; not Parliament and not the general public.

Wanjiku has spoken, now it is the time for the politician and other 'experts' to act. We want a draft that encapsulates our aspirations, addresses our fears, and gives a roadmap for the future. More importantly, we do not want the likes of Kalembe Ndile and Maina Kamanda to be involved in crafting a new draft, or even revising the old one. The same goes for Agwambo and Co. The Mt. Kenya Mafia should employ their spectacularly expensive legal skills in other less intrusive areas like trying to legalise miraa or something.

This is my idea and it is pretty radical. When the PanAm flight was bombed over Lockerbie in Scotland, the Americans, British and Libyans agreed to let the Scots handle the trial of the Libyan suspects. The parties agreed with the verdict of the court. It is time we tried something similar. We can't trust our politicians to play fair over this process. So lets give the Scots a chance to do it for us. And those idiots who will start yelling about a lack of patriotism at this idea, I will remind them, "Patriotism is the last refuge of the vicious."

So who actually won in the referendum war?

The Noes have it but the pro-Referendum guys might actually come out on top. Think about it. The Narc camp is not sleeping in one tent, but the Kanu machine is punching solidly behind Uhuru Kenyatta. There is no confusion as to who is top dog in Kanu, but unless Kibaki runs again in 2007, here is no alternative. Raila, despite his popularity, is not a national icon. Neither is Kalonzo or any of the other pretenders to the throne. Even Tuju with his strategic move to create an alternative power-centre in Nyanza will still be seen as a Luo leader rather than a national one.

When they began the campaign to oppose the Draft Constitution, it quickly deteriorated into a personality clash. It was seen a battle between the rebels in Kibaki's Cabinet and the Official Opposition, such as it were. Now that the battle is over, the war over the 2007 Elections still looms. The Narc coalition stands divided and the Opposition is busily consolidating its base.

Where, as a nation, do we stand after the Referendum? Some might thinkthat it is an opportunity to reflect and create a new Kenya. The mwananchi know better though. We leave the Constitution-making to vampish, selfish politicians and there is no new Kenya to wait for. We will get screwed over and over until we learn from our mistakes. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it; those who do not learn the proper lessons are simply doomed.

Do we really want to go for another voting exercise in two-years time? The numbers of those who voted this tie round speak clearly. There was less than 60% voter turn-out. In two years' time, this number will be less. And this should be a warning for all them politicos. They want my vote, they have to stop telling me why the other guy is worse than they are. Instead, they should outline a clear programme for what they require from me and how much they are going to sacrifice to achieve a country that we can be proud of. Otherwise, I will always think of them as whores who don't know how to keep their knees together.

Leave Iran the fuck alone!

I read that the US is afraid that if Iran gets the bomb then Israel is history. So the fuck what? I can't think of one nation that has made life so difficult for so many people more than the Israelis. If they were to be removed as a political power, the world would have one less festering headache to deal with. Ever since they were given a homeland in 1948, mind you they were given, they have been a thorn in the flesh towards the goal of international peace and security. Everybody goes into paroxyms of fear whenever a threat is issued against that state. If that state weren't there, we would be concentrating on other more pressing issues, like hunger in Africa and cheap energy for the whole world.

Now Iran has gone and put the cat among the pigeons, calling for the total destruction of the Zionist State and going ahead with plans to acquire The Bomb. I don't know if their president is foolhardy or foolish. Either way, he makes me point out that The Bomb is a brilliant campaign tool, but as a national priority, it is very expensive. Look at the Indians and Pakistanis, they got the Bomb but now they cannot feed themselves or secure their borders against petty smugglers of all hues.

What the Americans are afraid of is that the Iranians will use the bomb to bargain with them for a realignment of power in the Middle East. I don't see it that way. Let them have the bomb and watch them bankrupt themselves like all those other morons who have the bomb. It costs money to make and keep the bomb and the US knows this better than anyone else. So why are their fucking knickers in a twist over this simple issue? All they have to do is sit back and watch two idiots destroy each other over an ieology that is frankly a recipe for disaster. So the Islamists think they are the only true faith and the Zionists think they deserve world sympathy because Hitler wiped out a significant proportion of their populations in Europe. They are both wrong.

What the world today wants is a healthy environment, peace and security. We want more money, more love, more everything, and the West Asia Crises are keeping us away from the good stuff. Get rid of the Arabs and the Zionists and two-thirds of the world's headaches go with them. And that is my two-cents worth for this bulletin.

WHOEVER WINS WE LOSE!

When the dust settles on the Referendum tomorrow, the government will be in an unenviable position. Kibaki's boys have played dirty for the last one year, calling Raila and Co. names and playing hardball on virtually everything.

The fact of the matter is, when we vote tomorrow, only a minority will decide a destiny of a nation. An absolute minority. Do the math: there are 31 mllion Kenyans, 15 million of whom are adults and 11.5 million of them are registered voters. Even if 60% of these voters vote yes or no, they will still be a minority, an absolute minority!

So now that we have that uncomfortable detail out of the way, let's deal with the nitty gritty. The Draft has so many lofty ideas that if implemented, Kenya will be the land of milk and honey. But there's a catch: Parliament has to approve everything. And Parliament, in our experience, has more loose nuts than a Studebaker. Do you really see Maina Kamanda reading the proposed amendments to the Bill of Rights and coming up with a credible position? Or Mwenje? Or Kalembe Ndile? My point is this, if a country deserves the leaders it gets, then we are an accursed nation.

There are clearly clever people in Parliament today, but they are Machiavellian rather than Lutheran. They think and obsess over power and its retention rather than the empowerment of the peoples of this nation. If you think Mssrs. Kiraitu and Co. give a flying fuck about you then you need a bed at Mathare Mental Hospital. Pray that you get leaders you want, not deserve, because we want progress and not protests. We need a leadership that will take us the new Canaan, and not a new Constitution. A Constitution will not help if MPs can still promise 'miraa' airports!

of conventions and bitches

"She has a lot of sleeping around to do if she wants to attend the next COP". And that statement says it all about the state of affairs at the seventh session of the Conference of theParties to the UN Convention to Combat Desertification (UNCCD). You must have met one of those pushy women who use whatever wiles they think they got to wangle a few plum jobs here and there and favours galore. They tend to rub you the wrong way, especially when you'd like to think of yourself as a straight arrow with few enemies in the world.

Boy was I wrong. Being a goody-two-shoes is not a good thing 'cos people think they can walk all over your arse and get away with it 'cos you ain't got the stones to fight back. Boy did she get it wrong. I am lawyer and we are a mean-arsed bunch. We hate people who think they know more than us and we will crucify you when we get the chance.

I am delegate at this conference and I'm getting paid to be here. So when some bitch decides to meddle when I am about to get paid, I get pissed. I stand my ground and point out that she ain't the paymaster and she can go fuck herself. Of course she has it in for me for some reason. I keep outta her way as much as possibe, but she keeps trying to meddle in my affairs, even so far as going to lie that she has the authority to bar me from certain meets. I hope she's having nightmares cos I am 2 on 2 over her skinny little ass on ugly legs. I am in the meets she doesn't want me to attend.

And now she's getting herself an army. I am prolific commentator at this COP. I write daily for the ECO and now there are murmerings that I am getting too much exposure. Those other arseholes don't wanna write and now they are pissed that I do so every single fuckin' day. Screw 'em. I ain't their keeper. They gotta problem with me, they'd better tell it to the man or put pen to paper and stop whining. I ain't asking them for permission and I ain't apologising. They got problems, well I got some of my own and so I can't take time outta my busy schedule to hold their hands across this road. Fuck 'em all!

The NARC Downfall

This Kibaki regime is going down. This referendum isn't going to do anyone any good. You have the so-called Raila camp on one side singing their own praises and the Government forces are responding in classic-Moi style: with an iron fist and a blank cheque. So who wins in this contest?

The mwananchi is merely a specatator and, at worst, an active dupe out to get paid to make mayhem. Why the fuck should anyone listen to a rabble-rousing politician with his own selfish agenda? Ask those morons now getting charged by the cops for rioting and causing other senseless mayhem. The images on TV, if they weren't so tragic, would make for excellent political comedy.

This the question you must ask yourself: would you vote in the referndum? And if so why? The answer should not be to appease your political masters, elites et al. The answer should not be because you are in the Orange or Banan camp. the answer should reflect whether you think your vote will make a difference, and whether that difference will mean an improvement in the conditions of your life. If you cannot answer this question adequateley, two things come to mind: a) you are an idiot and you deserve what you will get, or b)you are too lazy to think for yourself and you still deserve what you will get. Either way, you are doomed.

Personally, I do not wish to register as a voter or even vote in the referendum. I think the whole thing has been fixed so that the people outside the political machinery will get screwed whether they vote or not. Think about it. Murungi is on record stating that the Draft Constitution is a Government project and that the Government is within its rights to spend public monies to ensure its adoption by referendum. Raila says it is not a Government project and that the only way the process can be fair is if there is a level field for political competition. What about the sentiments of Wanjiku? Has our voice become replaced by the voice of a group of people who by their very nature are selfish and capricious in nature? I shudder to think where we are headed.


Disaster is within our grasp and we need only continue being passive and uninvolved for the political class to push us into chaos. Whether we want to be involved or not, it is time we drew the line on the sand and told the politicians, "no more." It is time the people rebelled against this sheepishness we are exhibiting today and completely removed the Ndolos and Kajwang's from the process of Constitution making. If the Constitution is to be truly representative and wholesome, then the influence of an influence-peddling, lying, cheating, selfish, thieving political class must completely be nullified. We sent them to Parlaiment to present our case as a people. If they are incapable of this simple task, it is up to us to remind them that we are not sheep, nor idiots, nor cannon fodder for their political wars. We are a sovereign nation and when we want to, we can start our own "Orange Revolution" without their assistance. This referendum is not a political contest, but the culmination of a national attempt at creating a more equitable, more honest, more correct political, social and economic system for the benefit of all Kenyans and not a small minority of men and women we wouldn't trust to look after a six year old child.