Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Sex and Murder

Serena Williams. She, I can recognise from a hundred paces. Maybe even two hundred paces. She is, without a scintilla of a shadow of a doubt, the most important athlete. Ever. More important than Lewis Hamilton. More important than "Iron" Mike Tyson. More important than the walking refrigerators known as American football players. She has dominated a sport that was for the longest time the preserve of doped-up ex-SovBloc athletes and she dominated it when even today, many of her challengers are still doped up. If there are athletes to be conferred with sainthood for their complete domination of the sport, Serena Williams would be one of them. Together with Mohammad Ali.

Ms Williams reminds me of the very pregnant Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. No, Ms Williams doesn't remind be of Queen Bey because Ms Williams has put on a bit of weight or anything like that; she reminds me of Beysus because Mrs Knowles-Carter is the most dominant musician I have heard of for the past decade. From what I have seen, the Beyhive is a cross between a world-dominating religion, a cult and a gang: only its members truly understand what it is to live in a world in which a magical creature as Beyoncé lives.

Speaking of entertainment, billions of English-speaking women (and the men who simply can't resist) are glued to idiot boxes because of Shonda Rhimes, a place my beloved and her cohort know as ShondaLand. In ShondaLand two TV shows occupy pride of place: Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. In Grey's Anatomy, doctors spend almost a whole hour every week sleeping with each other, planning to sleep with other, regretting that they slept or didn't sleep with each other...and dying in creatively violent ways. In Scandal, political operatives, congressmen, first ladies and presidents spend almost a whole hour every week sleeping with each other, planning to sleep with other, regretting that they slept or didn't sleep with each other...and dying in creatively violent ways.

What these women have in common is that they bear the same skin colour as some of my favourite athletes and entertainers: Maria de Lurdes Mutola, Blessing Okagbare, Congestina Achieng, Leleti Khumalo, Mbilia Bel, Nayanka Bel and Mary Atieno. One day, a Kenyan won't have to pine after ShondaLand to get their fix of sex and murder. If a Kenyan is very, very lucky, of course.

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