Not a favourite.

Where do you people get these "vibes" you keep harping on about from? I don't get "vibes." I didn't, anyway, till the last week when I finally understood. Except I must have done it all wrong. I got a pretty negative vibe. It was not fun; even the Mutzin (330 cl of 5.5% vol./vol. alcoholic goodness) couldn't make me squeeze out an ounce of positivity.

I was impressed though. Orderliness like you've only experienced in Frankfurt. Cleanliness like you have only experienced at Garden City. Mild weather - warm enough at night to go about without a sweater, cool enough to need a blanket when you finally run the back of your hand across your lips because the Mutzin is no longer Mutzin-ish.

And yet...that vibe is just not right. The Serena, and some of us swear by the Serena brand, is nice. Well-built. Located on a quiet street. Gorgeous views off its balconies - the hills in the morning are always bathed in this half-light that reminds you of a Micheal Mann film. But that vibe just won't abate.

Maybe it's because I suck at acclimatizing - it takes at least a year for the experience to stop being sheer tedium. Mostly it takes a whole year for the grocery shop I eventually persuade to consider me a customer to know, without asking, that when I turn up all I want is a pint of milk, a loaf of bread, six eggs and a pack of Dunhills. A year when I don't have to say, "Yes, I come from Kenya and I think your city is very beautiful." A year when I can tell the difference in value between this Big Fat Copper Coin and that Big Fat Copper Coin. It is a year of sheer tedium.

I didn't have a year. I had five days. The non-vibe vibe lingered for those five days. Maybe it was the food; how can a whole city not have Kenchick style chips-na-quarter when it has that number of Kenyans running bars? The Chinese-style chicken noodle whatever is bland. The Indian curry has no curry and is bland. I will not even get started on their "continental" breakfast. Bland! Bland! Bland!

Maybe it was the language,. But when I think about that, I managed to enjoy every minute of my stay in the Sub-continent without ever stringing together a coherent sentence in Marathi, Bengali or Kannada. It was very enjoyable experience among what are an incredibly filthy lot.

Maybe it was the order and cleanliness, then.

Now that I am thinking about it, the only impressive thing - other than those seriously clean helmets their boda boda operators give you when you ride with them - was the state of their public sanitation. It is out of this world. It rained on Thursday. A proper East African storm. Drains did not block. Ever. And the water being washed down those drain was clear - you could actually see the bottom of the drain itself! That was impressive because my hotel was five minutes away from the conference centre and I have absolutely no faith in boda boda operators, no matter how clean their helmets are.

That non-vibe vibe still lingers. I can't put my finger on it. I'll go back one day. It is inevitable I shall go back. But I don't think I will be calling it one of my favourite destinations.