Seize it all.

So long as you haven't adulterated it with methanol or some similarly potent-but-deadly additive, the worst thing an alcoholic beverage will do is kill you, begging the question: why is booze legal in the first place? I am not sure that I can find the answer. If you can, let me know.

There are two things that we must worry about: the quality of booze being sold and the risk of alcohol abuse by the less stable. On quality, that is not NACADA's job, but that of the Kenya Bureau of Standards, Kebs. Kebs has done a piss-poor job. It is supported by the Anti-Counterfeit Authority because, like we discovered when Kariobangi North came under the harsh spotlight of Nairobi's hoilier-than-thou tabloid press, even "single malts" of rare vintage have found mirrors in Kariobangi North. The District Committees in Mututho's Law deal only with the licensing of producers, distributors and sellers.

NACADA's job is on alcohol abuse. It has tried but it is nowhere near getting it's mandate right. It is not for NACADA to raid manufacturers to inspect the quality of their works. NACADA should be educating the public on the harmful effects of alcohol and alcohol abuse, paying special attention to vulnerable persons.

That is what should happen. It almost never does.

In Kenya it doesn't matter what your mandate ever is; the grass, as far as mandates go, is always way greener on the other side of the eight-foot high, razor-wire, electrified-fence, guard-dogs-running wall. NACADA should be sorting out the logistics of educating Kenyans and setting up alcohol de-addiction programmes. Instead, because that seems like small beer to it, it has decided to play the role that as reserved to the District Committees.

The District Committees' members, going by recent television newsshows, don't like being bureaucrats, granting licenses to the merited. These people have such egregious conflicts of interest that it is a wonder than none of them is a significant shareholder in the half-dozen fly-by-night moonshine stills masquerading as factories. None of them seems to have shied away from opening a bar - ka-local in the local parlance - at which the stringent requirements of Mututho's Law are flouted flagrantly and with impunity.

So the President stepped in and ordered the General Service Unit to go after the dealers in death.  Then the Shabaab murdered fourteen Kenyans in Mandera. But the war on booze was stepped up a notch.

I don't know what world the President lives in; it surely is not the one where we do. Even the mighty GSU will find the slog difficult. They are not dealing with terrorists and the ilk - the types the GSU is trained to tackle in muscular and spectacularly violent fashion. They are dealing with canny and sophisticated scofflaws used to smuggling large volumes of contraband through multiple checkpoints and border control points. These are not people who don't have a plan. Many of them, as the President is discovering, are members of his own government, whether in his office, or Parliament or the affected county assemblies. You don't go after bureaucrats and legislators using the GSU. You send in the taxman.

These people have hidden assets and it is the taxman best equipped to unearth these assets - and then tax the shit out of them. No one likes to lose his wealth; but the loudest squealing comes from those who stole their wealth. Those selling harmful liquor and those who have stolen the future of an entire generation of youth have made hundreds of millions at it. It is only fair that they pay their fair share of the taxes that will be used to take care of this lost generation. Drop lifestyle audits on all of them and where you can tax the hell out of the ill-gotten gains. But sweeter still, seize assets, Mr President. Seize it all.