Resign? Pull the other one!

It was Uncle Moody who pioneered it.

Who is my accuser? he demanded. I will not resign, he declared. And he never did. Baba Jimmi never demanded his resignation. And in 2007 he lost his Funyula seat. With the loss he kissed his vice-presidency goodbye. Kimunya followed suit.

I will not resign! he declared. You will get my resignation over my dead body, or words to that effect, crowed Kimunya in front of an animated crowd. He did not resign. Until he did. I don't remember if he ever made it back to the Cabinet.

Ann Waiguru said it too. I will not resign. Let the investigations unfold. The CS is not responsible for procurement. I was the one who blew the whistle. How can I resign? It is a matter of fraud. It wasn't me. Many, many excuses and reasons why she should not resign.

No one resigns in Kenya. Until they do and when they do it is never really a resignation. Some never really go away, though. A former Interior Cabinet Secretary is still, if the grapevine is to be believed, on the payroll. A sort of Cabinet Secretary Without Portfolio. His inept Insector-General is now the Chairman of the Board of a parastatal that apparently "smuggled" buses into Kenya, a transaction that seems to have burnt the fingers of the parastatal's former Managing Director and several former senior directors. The directors didn't resign; they were fired.

In Barack Obama's colourful six years as the Most Powerful Man in the World, he has had three Defense Secretaries, two Secretaries of State, three Directors of Central Intelligence, three Directors of the Secret Service and three Chiefs of Staff. One DCI resigned because of a sex scandal. The Secret Service head honchos resigned because of serious lapses in judgment regarding the President's safety. In Uhuru Kenyatta's two years, the Shabaab has claimed over five hundred Kenyans' lives. It is only when the count was nudging four hundred did the President push the hapless Interior Cabinet Secretary and the inept Inspector-General off the field - and into a soft landing elsewhere out of sight.

The language employed by those determined to hold on to their offices by the skin of their teeth of "accounting officers", "checks and balances" and "ministerial tender committees" is the kind of mealy-mouthed self-serving cant that is favoured by criminal defense lawyers. It belies the harsh truth that it is not the best and brightest who get the Cabinet-level job but the loyal-unto-death-and-destruction. If it was the best and brightest who served this nation, resignation would be a matter of course when an attempted swindle was detected - even if the detective happened to be the Cabinet Secretary.

Ask yourself a simple question: if the Cabinet Secretary has nothing to do with procurement because there are accounting officers, ministerial tender committees and password-protected systems, how did she stumble onto the attempted swindle and why was it her responsibility to write to the Director of Criminal Investigations and not the Principal Secretary or the Director-General of the NYS? You are either in charge or you are not. If you are in charge and your people attempt to swindle your department of six hundred million shillings, staying in office is untenable.

Uncle Moody knew us only too well.