Assholes one and all

I love walking. Despite my utter, utter loathing of crowded pavements, uneven road surfaces, and the total lack of street furniture of any kind, I love walking. If I were faced with the choice of commuting by car or PSV to the office or walking, I'd choose walking save for those days when the heavens play merry hell with the rainstorms and extreme sun. I love walking even though the Green City in the Sun is, nowadays, more and more the Slum in the Sun. So you can understand my feelings for the City Fathers and their mistresses for how far they have fucked up the City. Suffice it to say, my feelings will not be described by anyone as close to warm.

Every City Father since John Gakuo has done little to improve the liability and walkability of this City. Not Le Kidero. Not His Sonkoness. Not I-Am-Not-A-Drunk. Not the fucking general and his merry band of fucking "developers". Under their suzerainty, the City is a series of walled-off enclaves designed to put the hoi polloi in their place and to tend every municipal privilege under the sun to the wabenzi. The only variation, if that, is that among the wabenzi, the hierarchy of privileges is based on ones degree or melanation.

What makes my absolutely negative views of the City Fathers simmer like a boiling sea of magma in a no-longer-dormant volcano is that I cannot lay the blame on my true targets: the "urban planner" and "architect" that plays handmaid to the City Fathers. Allow me to give an example of why I my rage is slowly boiling over.

Some time recently, the Commander-in-Chief inaugurated the CBK Pension Towers on Harambee Avenue. It is sandwiched between Vigilance House and Harambee House Annexe (that seven-hundred-billion-shillings boondoggle from hell). It is an impressive building, and a nice addition to the City's skyline, with its glass facade and sharp curves. When it was finished, before the assholes got involved, it made proper allowance for pedestrians. After the assholes got involved (assholes who are taking their cue from he assholes in Vigilance House and Harambee House Annex and every government building on Harambee Avenue), pedestrians became a security risk and so the pedestrian pavement is going to be encircled by a seven-foot-high steel fence and the pedestrian can walk on the road for all these assholes care.

This kind of assholery is not the preserve of the asses in charge of CBK Pension Towers. City Hole has its fair share; its frontage on Wabera Street is verboten to pedestrians. KCB has gotten in on assholery as well; its frontage on Nkrumah Avenue has so many "security" features, you might think your are entering the Baghdadi Green Zone at the height of the Moqtada al-Sadr insurgency! Hilton Hotel started this trend of securitising public spaces to the exclusion of pedestrians and the current crop of City Fathers has bought into that asinine policy - aided and abetted by asshole urban planners and architects.

This shit makes it difficult to walk anywhere in comfort in this fucking City. No wonder everyone wants a car. Not that car-ownership is a breeze. On-street parting is notable for its scarcity. The car parks in the CBD are notoriously overcrowded; double parking is recklessly rife. In fact, the only sensible car park in town is the one at the Holy Family Basilica and at five hundred bob per day, incredible value for money. The rest of the parking spots in the City are shitty places where your car is exposed to the elements and the vandals that seem to operate with the tacit approval of the fucking City Fathers. Anyone that can afford to drive into the CBD hates the experience. Universally hates it.

I hate these people. I hate them with the passion of a thousand suns. I have absolutely no doubt that they are hated at home and it is the only reason they bring their level of shitholery to their work. They are fragile little man babies with the necessarily massive egos of small-minded assholes. The only people that like them are the assholes that win massive tenders to bring the excreta they call "public works" to fruition. I hope all of them are dipped in honey and stuck up to their necks in mounds swarming with fire ants for the rest of eternity.