Men must be made uncomfortable

I knew for a fact that this man did not respect me. I had been publicly preyed upon and now was expected to constantly be in the presence of my predator. Be civil. Pose for pictures with him. Act as though there was nothing amiss even as the photographer insisted that we at least try a little not to look like total strangers. Venture to perhaps even smile for the pictures. - Dear Men I Hope This Post Makes You Uncomfortable: Thoughts On Sexual Harassment

There is no way that a man can appreciate what it must feel like for women to manuevre in a world that is dominated, shaped, influenced and ruled by men. Not even when a man has a grandmother, mother, sister, daughter, girlfriend, wife or mistress. And for the majority of us, men, we won't even attempt to walk in women's shoes. When the stories of our masculine lives are written by men, published by men, critiqued, criticised and appreciated by men, we have no incentive, personal, cultural, ethical, economical, political or professional, to appreciate why women continue to suffer - and hide their suffering lest it be used as a weapon to oppress them further.

Whichever words or expressions have been used to describe the thing of it - patriarchy, male privilege, phallocentrism, rape culture - one thing remains true: few men pay a price for reveling in their privilege at the expense of women. So it is fit and proper for women to discomfit as many men as they possibly can by telling and retelling their stories of how they navigate their lives in a man's world. It is why I am so grateful for Kathleen Siminyu and the rage she feels because of her experiences. More female voices like hers are needed to lay to waste the male privilege that disempowers the vast majority of women.

Men must acknowledge, culturally, professionally, politically and economically, that women are their equals, that neither is the superior of the other and that every person deserves to have their dignity respected and affirmed at all times. And for this to happen, men must cede their privilege in all respects. When a woman walks into a meeting room, it should not be automatically presumed that she will remain silent, expected to fetch tea, give the opening prayer or defer to the authority of a man or the men present at the meeting.

Men must also call out, challenge and confront other men when they take liberties with women that they are not entitled to. For example, simply because a woman is out alone at a disco doesn't mean that she is "fair game" or that she is need of masculine company; any man who approaches her must do so with the expectation that his advances may be rejected and that it is well within the woman's dignity to reject his advances. And if the woman accept his advances, she will do so on her terms alone.

It will not be easy for men to give up their privileged status. Indeed, I fear that the resistance to change will be fierce. It is why as many many men as possible must be confronted and punished when they violate the dignity of women in any way. Don't get me wrong; I am not calling for a war of the sexes. But no man should walk proudly with his head held high after he violates the dignity of any woman. And by punishment, I don't just mean through the formal court process; but I also mean by the social, cultural, political and moral weapons available. It must be drilled into all persons that we are all equal and that our dignity is not superior to another person's.