Clenched buttocks

I can't tell you how terrifying it is. I haven't clenched and unclenched my buttocks this fiercely since I was a boy in high school having being summoned to the discipline masters office after being, falsely of course, accused of being a disruptive member of the class by one of those brown-nosing class monitors. Anyway, in the past three days I have committed myself to a course of action that has rendered my already fragile medical constitution even more fragile and today was a key test. In an hour -- or three, dpending on the rain -- we will finally find out whether I have set myself on a path to utter personal ruin or whether I have what it takes to look a man in the eye and see the contents of his darkened, blackened soul.