Pet Peeves

Enough with the politics. I think it is time we sorted out some of the more fundamental problems with the world in Kenya today - women who have let themselves go. And boy, am I in a bad mood. Nairobi is a dangerous gauntlet to walk - the number of badly dressed, overweight birds on the street will make you weep in despair. I have no problem with women dessing as if they came from the same cookie cutter; I draw the line, however, when the style they are all adopting is patently unsuitable for a greater number of these fashionistas.

When it comes to cellulose and flab, the less that is seen the better it is. What is so wrong in hiding all your nasty bits until you have hoodwinked the poor fool into bed? At that time, he is so greatful for having you in his bed, he doesn't care that you run a close second to a rhino in girth and skin texture. It should be made a cardinal rule that when a woman starts to resemble the Michelin Man, all figure-hugging items of clothing in her closet should be incinerated.

Men, today more than at any other time in history, are allegedly in short supply - especially the marrying-material, take-home-to-mama kind. But, with so much flab being flashed about so crudely, I would argue that it is not marriageable men who are in short supply, but women. An old African saying holds that there are no ugly women, only lazy ones. This is so very true when you watch all these otherwise personable babes dressing and behaving as if they are God's gift simply by being alive. Men should start drawing a very firm line when it comes to hair in unwanted places, spare wheels on anything but cars, trouser cuffs that have accumulated half the filth in Nairobi, cracked heels, et al.

Personal grooming only becomes a dark art when one behaves like a pig searching for truffles. The level of sartorial inelegance being displayed by women straight out of campus makes me wish that they did away with feminine university education altogether - it has failed to instil any sense of style in these poor dears. Worse, it is now spilling over onto our TV screens. Watching the evening news when presented by some of the over made-up women in suits a size too small spotting beer-guts to rival that of the famed Oloi Tip Tip, is a study in willpower. With the exception of some of the more established names like Kate Kasavuli and Beatrice Marshall and, my personal fave, Julie Gichuru, the rest are slowly scraping the bottom of the barrel when it come to what not to wear on TV. There was this woman who was interviewing the US ambassador in jeans and a rumpled blouse. Professional dressing is definitely not in their lexicon.

I despair for Kenya. The politics sucks and the eye-candy ain't sweet. Time for reform in more than one area, ama?

I didn't see that one Coming...honest!

When Baba Jimmy appointed Kalonzo as his number 2, it came as a bolt from the blue. Kalonzo had all along said that he was never going to side those who had cheated him out of the presidency. Apparently, he only meant Raila. As the rumours fly, the most common refrain is that Kalonzo has betrayed the Orange Movement and that now Kambas are not to be trusted as a result of his greed. They are being painted as a people who not only sit on the fence, but make promises they do not intend to keep for the sake of short-term political gain.

Kalonzo says that he wants to reconcile the nation. How will he do this when he failed to find a middle ground in his contest with his dear brother Raila? I have said in a previous post that Kalonzo is not fit to run this country and my view has only been reinforced by his recent behavior. He is dishonest, even by the usual political standards, and lacks any moral authority to pontificate on good governance when he spent his entire formative years in politics being one of Moi's ardent hatchet man. He has now proven to be even more power hungry than Raila ever could. If he believes that his current gambit will assure him a shot at the presidncy in 2012, I hope that the likes of John Harun Mwau and Mama Rainbow Charity Ngilu swiftly remind him that even his hegemony over Ukambani is not total or absolute.

The ball, unfortunately, is now in Raila's court. He can capitulate and play the role of a weakened opposition, or he can come to an arrangement with Kibaki and join the cabinet, albeit in less significant ministries. Either way, Raila will not be sworn in as President of the republic any time soon. But, as the pundits say, it's better to be in government than out. Where will this country be in a week's time?

Told You So...

When the date was announced for the general elections, no one was in doubt that the ODM-led Raila group would sweep the parliamentary sweepstakes. What was still undecided was what Kibaki would do to retain his presidency. The fact that he had a master tactician like Moi in his camp made things very difficult to predict. Raila was ahead in the opinion polls, but only just. Everyone was talking about the power of incumbency. It was to be seen if Kibaki would be the first African incumbent to be defeated in a presidential poll.

As it were, the choice was not the voters rto make. It is rumoured that the power-brokers and insiders surrounding Kibaki were not about to lose their shirts because their man was a gentleman. All the mechanisms were in place for a silent coup d'etat. when it became evident that the Kibaki camp was losing and losing badly, they played their last card and had the figures from Central Province massively inflated. To do this, the whole voter register in Central Province, to a man, voted for Kibaki, an unprecedented statistic. Of course, when it emerges years later that dead people voted for him, no one will care.

The violence that has befallen this benighted land in the last fortnoght can be attributed to the fact that Raila and his team do not want to admit that they are not as good as the Kibaki team at rigging elections. His cries that he is the only legitimately elected president will continually fall on deaf ears. If he imagines that the whole country will join him in a Rolling-Thunder type of campaign to dislodge the incumbent, he is sorely mistaken. After Kenyans come to realise that their stomachs are more important than their freedoms, they will leave Raila high and dry. Aand that is as it should be. Incumbents rig elections and the opposition cries foul and life goes on as before. So long as we don't mess with white people's property, things will be as they are. After all, This is Africa!!!