TOLD YOU SO, DIDN'T I?

How many of you thought the Orange would still taste as sweet as it did in November of '06? Come on, raise your hands. Don't be shy, it's o.k. You weren't the only one they fooled. However, didn't I warn you that Kalonzo and Raila could not sit in the sme canoe without one of them grabbing the oars and heading for shore? This is the reality of realpolitik in Kenya. It has nothing to do with whether the perpetrators of so many political crimes are any good at what they do. All that matters is that they are in power and everyone's kissing their ass. And now, they want me to go into a small two-by-two booth and give them another 60 million over five years once more.

Are these fellows possessed? How can they squander all the goodwill they had garnered with the demise of the Moi regime and ask me to return them to the House on the hill? This is insensiitvity of the higjedst order. They should remember that I am not going to forgive them for returning Moi to the public limelight. By the fact that they are so disorganised, they have given Moi the opportuntiy to rehabilitate his blood-soaked reputation and burnish his image as the father who will save the nation. What arrant nonesnese!

There was so much promise in the beginning of '02. We had a new government (sort of), we had a new president (whom someone, and I'm not saying who, tried to assassinate) and we had hope in our hearts and spring in our step. Four years on, the only thing we are greatful for is that the current regime does not seem to to want to stuff people into overcrowded detention facilities with the same lackadaisical haste as the previous ones.

Which leads me to my main point: Kalonzo cannot go around pontificating on democracy as if he had anything to do with the 2nd Liberation. He was and shall continue to be Moi's yes man. Never mind that "his brother Raila" suffered under the jackboot of Moi's fascisicm and came out with a forgiving hand. Never mind that Kalonzo and the likes of Petkay Miriti (whom Prof. Anyang' Nyong'o is most familiar with) served Moi with unswerving, unstinting blind loyalty until that particular ship of state capsized. The ills of the Moi rule cannot be wished away nor swept under the carpet. At least baba Jimmy walked away when it mattered. No, not Kalonzo. He was still in it for the gaddi. Like Prof. Makau Mutua says, Kalonzo was in it for the presidency and when Moi tried to give it to Uhuru "UK" Kenyatta, it finally dawned on him: poor people never become president. Yes men never become president. Sycophants are useful for one thing and one thing only: kissing ass and kicking butt for the man.

The Death Knell of Kalonzo's Career

Did he really think that guys would simply say that because he is the least tainted of the presidential aspirants, that the Luminaries of the ODM would allow him to 'don the mantle' of leadership and take them to their New Zion? man, he must have a king-sized lump of bile in his throat now. Why did he believe that Raila would step aside for him? Even, Musalia, who was fired by his own constituents, is still deluding himself that the Goldenberg Scam does not affect him in any way. What a load of horse-shit.

When Parliament passed the Media Bill without proper quorum, that spoke volumes of the motives of these politicians. Paying lip-service to the concept of media freedom, they did absolutely nothing to forestall the outcome. Whether we like it or not, Mr. Kibaki's troops have done what they have always said they would do. They are not spending valuable Parliamentary time campaigning for posts that may or may not be theirs. They have already decided that he will make the best possible candidate for the presidency come the next general elections. Meanwhile, Kalonzo and his cronies are walking in and out of political liaisons as if the presidency is theirs as of right. Let us remind them that when they were part of the Kanu machinery, and Raila and Anyang' Nyong'o was being tortured by the likes of Mr Miriti, Kalonzo and his boys did nothing. In Ukambani, they are even saying that all those who supported Mama Rainbow ended up with something, but those who ran with Kalonzo are still awaiting their just or unjust rewards. That percoeption that he is arrogant and aloof will not go away, not now or in the near future.

Kalembe Ndile, semi-literate he may be, hit the nail on the head: Kalonzo hana nyundo! Kalonzo does not have a hammer or a hummer for that matter. In politics, the slogan is sometimes crucial. Raila invented the Kibaki tosha line. Now he owns ODM nyundo. What does Kalonzo bring to the table by way of populism? Nothing! He is not mtu wa watu, but some ivory-tower living type with the common touch of a leper.

I hope we get a leader who will truly have our interests at heart. For the moment, I don't see anyone but Raila or Kibaki being that person. Everyone else should just admit, they are not presidential material and never will be.

The way to the Bar

Perserverence is not a word many of us associate with lawyers, is it? You all think that all we do is sit around and cook up these nefarious schemes to part you from your hard-earned paycheques. Well, the truth is rather more complicated than that. While we will part you from your pay-cheque, we don't sit around cooking up schemes to do it. Instead, we all go to university, sometimes for as long as eight years, get our degrees, then suffer the vagaries of the over-crowded, under-equipped, ego-central that is the Kenya School of Law, where if you piss off the wrong person, you may spend more time cooling your heels before you can legally part anyone from their wallets.

It has taken me a long time to get here and I must say that apart from the eye-candy floating around, the place leaves me very underwhelmed. You'd expect that for the 90k I parted with for the privilege of being here, this place would be kicking it like no one's business. But, the truth is, I am about as excited as a monastic monk at a rock concert. We got this old guy for one of the more challenging units whose been there since the late seventies and the guy goes out of his way to demonstrate what an utter moron I am; indeed, we are all morons in his eyes who do not deserve to practice law in this fair nation of ours. If he has anything to do with it, 65% of my classmates will be detained by that fellow till he deems them ready. Which may take a very very long time indeed!

Now, if it was just the matter of passing exams, I would have no problem with some my instructors. But the fact that their egos are in charge, having them as our examiners is just plain unfair-it's akin to deciding the venue of the match and the referees and then deciding what a win may be by the other side. The deck is stacked against us. We will never be able to beat 'em with their superiority.

But, I am not despairing yet. Things have a habit of changing in Kenya, and I can see a tidal wave washing away some of the detritus at the School, including old foggies past their teaching prime. I mean, the moment you start getting confused by cellular telephones, it is time for you to call it a day.